Finding Our Way Back Drifting
by AddieGreysPPPlover9119
Summary: AU; 3x07 through season 5. Sam and Addison's relationship is off to a good start, until tragedy strikes early on, plumeting them into a sea of darkness until they drift back to each other
1. Prologue

"**Finding our way back (Drifting)"**

**Hey guys! So I know it's been like FOREVER since I've written anything, or at least that's how it feels for me. I've been crazy busy with school and everything else. I have a couple of stories that are pre-written that I plan on uploading. It is me or has Fanfiction gotten a little…slow? I mean no one's writing anymore! Oh well, I can't really talk because I haven't been writing much either! Lol so here is the first of many more fanfics. Its Addisam of course. I got inspired by it after this season of PPP oh and Ella is in this one too. I hope you guys enjoy,**

**Happy Reading,**

**Xoxo, **

**Dee**

Prologue/Introduction

"The most amazing feeling I feel, words can't describe the good feeling forreal, baby I'll paint the sky Blue, my greatest creation was you"-Jay Z "Glory (Ode to Blue Ivy Carter)"

You know they say, the most powerful feeling in the world is a mother holding her child for the first time, looking into their eyes and immediately bonding with the child. She's felt this before, with Ella her first born. She would've felt it again with her son, their son SJ, but that opportunity was taken away from them. Now, ironically on what is supposed, no what IS SJ's second birthday(he just never got to see it) she's holding Henry. Henry Samuel Forbes Montgomery-Bennett. He's her son, their son, even though they did not conceive him biologically he's still theirs. She smiles at Judy, Henry's birth mom.

"Judy I don't, I don't know how much to thank you, this, this really means a lot to me, to us" she says tearfully, only taking her eyes off of the sleeping infant in her arms briefly, just enough to look up at his mother and give her most sincere gratitude.

"You don't have to say anything, really" Judy replies

"I don't know how I can ever repay you" she whispers

"Just, you and Dr. Bennett raise a good son" Judy says

"We will, we most definitely will" she says before exiting the room. Outside, her husband, her daughter and her friends stand waiting to see the newest edition to their already insane family.

"This is Henry and he's my son, he's our son" she says proudly as everyone huddles closer together to see the miracle child that has somehow brought them all closer together during a time when they were all drifting, he has somehow molded them back together. So perfectly intertwined them all back together, each individual in his or her perspective place. But most importantly he has brought his new parents back together after two years of drifting apart…

FLASHBACK

2 YEARS, 7 MONTHS PRIOR

They say the most gut wrenching sound ever known to man is the sound of a woman's screams when she loses her child. She's seen it up-close and personal; she's delivered the news that brought forth this sound from the throats of countless women. "Im so sorry, but, your baby didn't survive" she has offered this condolence on so many sad occasions. She never thought SHE'D utter those exact same cries as the many women whose hearts she's had to break. But today, she makes that ear piercing sound when her infant son takes his last breaths, lying in her arms as he closes tiny bluish green eyes under lids the color of cocoa. She cries as the nurses painfully take him out of her arms and cover him underneath the small white sheet and wheel his tiny body to the morgue. She beats and hits and fights into his chest repeatedly as Arizona Robbins calls "Time of death, 8:13 a.m." Her whole body goes achingly numb as she lies in bed the next day with Sam's arms protectively around her as she stares blankly at the wall in front of her. She accepts no visitors, except a small blonde haired girl with eyes that are a perfect blend of hers and her father Mark's; those are the only eyes she can look at right now. She refuses to eat, barely sleeps because she swears she can hear his cries for help, swears she can see his eyes looking into hers for what was supposed to be an eternity, but was sadly cut short. She utters no words for nearly 3 days until she is forced to speak when they must fill out his birth and death certificates. It is only this time that words leave her lips, save when she talks to Ella-she seems to be the only one she communicates with. When she speaks, its barely audible, her mouth feels dry and damp and each syllable aches as it comes forth.

"SJ…Samuel…Samuel Michael Forbes Montgomery-Bennett Jr."

1 week, 3 days prior

They're arguing, as usual. They've been doing this since those 2 little double lines sealed their fate and stuck them together for what was supposed to be for the next 18 years. She was overjoyed, he was in fear. When she tearfully uttered the words "Sam, I'm pregnant" it was as if the shit really hit the fan for them. The final nail in the coffin of their relationship. He wants to leave but he can't. He's never been a man to run out on his "obligations" because that's what this is to him…an obligation. She however has told him more than once, in fact she's reminding him now that he can just…

"Leave Sam! Im giving you a way out, I don't want your money, you don't have to give me anything you can just go! I've been raising Ella on my own since I left Seattle and we've been just fine! I can raise this baby without you!" He's had enough of her and her constant reminder of his "get out of jail free card" as he's come to call it. They were supposed to be going to dinner tonight, just them so that they could sort things out as far as their relationship goes. But now, right now all he wants to do is choke the living hell out of her. He never noticed how annoying and neurotic and how much of a control freak she was until now. He loves her he truly does he just…this, them having a baby so soon into their relationship wasn't in his plans. But one crazy stress filled week of work at the new practice for her, which causes her to forget to take her birth control and some incredibly hot make up sex in the back of her car and in her office (it's between one of those places where their child, their son was conceived) on his part has resulted in an unplanned (and unwanted on his part) pregnancy.

She's still yelling at him about how she feels like such a fool for letting herself fall in love with him and how he's broken his promise to "not hurt her" which he has, time and time again. But she's like this unattainable dream. You know the dream EVERYONE has but absolutely NO ONE can reach-yeah that's her. He's pretty much zoned out on her constant banter until he hears her mention that Mark Sloan has been "twice the father you'll ever be to this baby" then, then he's had enough.

"Well then goddammit Addison why don't you go and be with him then! Let Sloan help you raise the baby!"

But before she can answer he's met with silence as a drunk driver has run his car through a red light and plowed into Sam's car-striking Addison's side of the car causing them to spin out of control and the car to topple over.

The last thing he can hear are her screams…

10 days later

Her eyes slowly begin to flutter open as she's nearly blinded by bright lights. Slowly, shapes and faces and colors stop being so fuzzy and things begin to come into focus. And the first voice she hears is his.

"That's it Addie wake up" he says softly. She can feel his warm hand which gently lays across hers causing a perfect contour of how truly different they are to come into form. She slowly turns her head towards his but is met with a sharp pain.

"Ouch. My head hurts" she rasps. Suddenly she's met with another all too familiar voice

"It's expected to hurt. You had brain surgery Addie" her eyes connect with his at the sound of his voice.

"Derek? What are you doing here? What the hell happened?" she questions as she tries to sit up instantly feeling pain and looking down in horror as she sees her now flat stomach, which was round when she woke up that morning. She'd felt her son kick her causing her to tell Naomi "I swear he's gonna be some type of athlete" causing the dark haired black woman to chuckle softly.

"My baby, where is he?" she asks as she scans the room to not only find out that Derek is there, but so is Mark, Ella, Callie, Miranda, Archer, The Captain, Naomi, Jake, Charlotte, Pete, Violet, Cooper and a very worried Amelia.

Its Arizona who informs her of the strange turn of events that have happened.

"Addison, you were in a serious car crash almost 2 weeks ago; Naomi and Jake had to do an emergency C-Section"

"And the baby, where is he? Is he okay? Is he alive?"

She's met with the saddest pair of blue eyes she thinks she's ever seen and silence

"Arizona…"

More silence

"Dr. Robbins! Where the hell is my son?"

Arizona takes in a deep breath and begins to tell Addison exactly what has happened while she was unconscious. But she's doing it as if Addison isn't competent enough to understand which annoys her.

"Tell me the truth Robbins, give it to me straight. Tell me the honest truth, I'm a professional I can handle it"

"Addie right now you're not a professional you're a…"

"Shut up! Just shut up! Robbins I want the truth" she says shutting Sam up as Arizona gives her the worst news possible: her baby isn't going to make it; the impact of the crash has been unbearable on his 1 pound 8 ounce body. They've kept him alive this long through sheer will power. They didn't want him to die without Addison properly being able to meet and painfully say goodbye to her son all in the same day. She's seen a case like this only once maybe, back when she was a resident in Manhattan working at Lennox Hill. She knows that his organs are basically shit at this point because he's been hooked up to a ventilator for nearly 2 weeks. So she painfully tells Arizona, "Pull the plug, he's suffered long enough".

Alex Karev wheels her down to the NICU-her area, her once "happy place" where a lone rocking chair sits next to an incubator with "Montgomery-Bennett" scrawled across the top. Naomi and Callie help her into the rocking chair while Arizona and Karev unplug the machines that have been keeping her son alive. It's as if her heart is violently and repeatedly stabbed as Arizona walks forward holding what she believes it the tiniest baby she's ever seen and gently places him into her arms for the first and last time. This was NOT how she imagined they'd meet. She would go into labor at around 38 or 39 weeks (she was barely 29 weeks at the time of the accident) the labor would be hell. She yell and scream and express her severe disdain and hatred for Sam until they gave her an epidural which would subside the bitchiness and calm her down.

She'd push and push and push until his cries filled the room. At that point Sam would cut the cord, he'd be cleaned and weighed while either Jake or Naomi delivered the afterbirth. Once all of that was done, he'd be placed into her arms and she would stare down at him in amazement just as she had Ella. She'd probably lean over and give Sam a kiss- quick and chaste. Then her attention would be fully diverted back to what she would call "the most handsome man on the planet". THAT was how it was SUPPOSED to go, but like Bizzy had always annoyingly reminded them "People Plan and God Laughs". She was beginning to wonder if there was a God out there because this, what she was feeling, this wasn't of God. No, holding her son in her arms while he struggled to breathe WAS NOT a part of Addison Forbes Montgomery's plans for bringing her second child into the world.

But instead of breaking down-which is what she wants to do right now, that and blame God, and everyone else around her and the bastard who did this, She becomes a Montgomery-a softer version of a Montgomery. She holds her son, SJ as she called him while he was he was still protected inside of her womb, and whispers soft words to him as she gently strokes his cheek.

"Hi little guy, hi my sweet baby. You held on long enough to meet me? Mommy loves you so much SJ and Im so sorry that this happened to you. Im so sorry baby. I love you so much SJ. I wish I could've done more to help you" she looks up for a moment to see that all of her friends and family have gathered around the NICU to watch this painful goodbye between mother and son. She scans the room to see if Sam is there, but she is reassured that he's there when she feels his hand on her shoulder; he's been standing there, right behind her the entire time.

Even though he's been a complete ass, he's there, being her rock, the glue that holds her together. SJ breathes on his own, but barely for nearly 40 minutes until she hears him rasping for air. His chest begins to rise and fall much slower, as she's had a finger on his chest feeling his heartbeat. She's strong, until she can no longer feel his chest rising and falling. Once she hears that final exhale of breath, she completely loses it. It has been rumored that her cries can still be heard on the NICU ward of St. Ambrose Hospital (but it's just a myth). Once the nurses take him away, Sam moves closer to her, trying to hold her, but she doesn't want his pity, all she wants is her son…

5 DAYS LATER

They're sitting in a chapel as a minister, priest, pastor, rabbi, whatever the hell he is, drones on during the service for SJ. She's had absolutely NO interest in planning this funeral. Sam, Naomi, Callie or whoever did it. She's had ZERO interest in the service. In fact, she is completely someplace else right now during the eulogy or whatever. She knows that physically, she got out of bed, with much coaxing from Naomi, Savvy, who took a red eye straight to LA after Naomi called her, Callie and Amelia. They practically had to do everything for her. They picked out her clothes, a simple black Christian Dior dress with pearls and black Christian Loubitons, did her hair, which Amelia swept up into an elegant bun. They dressed Ella, a simple black dress with a white collar, white tights, black mary janes with a simple head band. Mark and Derek practically carried her to the car as they headed to the church while Sam held her close during the never looked forward as she would see the tiny baby casket and she would completely lose her mind, although many thought she already had.

Everything is a blur after that, though she does remember Pete or Archer or somebody carrying her, literally back to the waiting car when she started to sob uncontrollably as dirt was thrown onto the casket as it was lowered into the ground. Now she's home upstairs in the room she and Sam share after being carried there too. She's lying there thinking, or rather her thoughts are racing. She's startled out of her self-destructive thoughts by a soft knock at the door, Mark.

"How you feelin Addison?" he asks as he approaches the bed and sits down next to her.

"I feel…nothing…is it always going to be like this?" she whispers looking up at him

"For a while, you're allowed to feel like shit, your kid died so right now, you get to feel nothing" he says as he pulls her close to him, wrapping his arms around her as she rests her head against his shoulder.

"You're warm and you smell good" she says softly which makes him chuckle as he presses a kiss to her hair which has somehow come out of the elegant bun Amelia did this morning. She looks up at him with soft eyes and soon impulse takes over and she's kissing him, its soft and sweet as her hands move into his hair.

"Addison, we can't"

"Please Mark"

"Red I can't do this, you're with Sam and…"

"Oh FUCK Sam! Fuck him Mark! He isn't here with me now, he never wanted him, he didn't want our son! I don't CARE about what Sam thinks or wants or feels…right now I want you"

"Red I can't…Im with Lexie and…"

"Never stopped you before" she murmurs as she's now positioned herself to be seated directly on his lap

"Addison"

"Mark, fuck me, fuck me, just…I need to feel something and right now this, you, you're the only one who's ever been able to make me feel something Mark…make me feel good, please?"

And for some stupid reason, maybe because a part of him still loves her, and an even bigger part of him loves her for not aborting their child, he obliges. Flipping them over so that he's on top, he kisses her, sweet soft kisses are planted down her neck in spots he's sure Sam's failed to notice. Spots he knows will make her purr like a kitten. Clothes are easily discarded somewhere in the room as he slowly enters her. It still feels the same, like he's never left her. Deep thrusts cause her to grip the back of his neck tighter and her moans to grow louder.

"Oh Oh Oh God Mark!"

He can tell she's close but he knows she's nowhere near ready for a release yet so he slows his pace. Slow but yet deep forceful thrusts cause her head to fall back, her now shoulder length hair to cascade down her back as her eyes close and her breath hitches, causing her to beg for more.

"Mmmmm oh god Mark! Don't stop, don't stop"

She's almost at the point of ecstasy but he knows she's STILL not ready to go so he lets her on top, in control. She rides him just like she did the night of the affair, slow, gentle, but yet with enough power to make him grip the sheets and lowly moan her name

"Damn…Addison…God Red"

Her moans become slightly louder as she begins to pulsate around him, clenching down, but she's still not ready to let go. She wants to stay in this moment, so she ignores the building inside of her core and the flush she feels rising from her chest. He can tell that she's almost there so he sits up, wrapping his arms around her waist, loving the feeling she's giving him and she bounces herself on him faster, and faster, just before crying out

"Mmmm Mark Im gonna cum!"

"Then cum Addison, let go Red, you're more than ready…cum"

And with that he sends her orbiting into space to the point where she literally sees stars then darkness, moaning his name, dragging out each syllable as her body loses control momentarily and as the rushing blessed feeling of relief of their climaxes over take her causing them both to fall back onto the bed.

After 10 minutes of silence and a few soft, chaste kisses here and there, she speaks.

"Thank You, I needed that"

But before he can reply, the door swings open to reveal Sam, who was coming to check on her

"Addison I-" and in that moment, he realizes how Derek must have felt that night when he found Mark and Addison in bed together. But the shocking thing about it is, she doesn't even try to justify or explain or even say she's sorry. It's Mark who does the apologizing

"Shit Sam I'm sorry I came up to check and make sure she was alright and-"

"Don't don't say anything to me right now Mark" the hurt and anger are clear in his voice, and from the bed she can see tears, actual visible tears as he quickly exits the room leaving she and Mark in silence

"We shouldn't have…I shouldn't have…this was wrong Addison" Mark says as he begins dressing

"Mark I-"

"I took advantage of you and…goddamit Addison!" his words sting her, and she feels the pain of his rejection

" "

"Addison I"

"I said Get Out!"

He quickly leaves the room without another word as she slowly dresses again before lying back down and sobbing quietly to herself.

After what seems like an eternity, Naomi comes upstairs and checks on her.

"Hey, so, everyone's gone home or back to their hotels…Where's Sam? I haven't seen him since he came upstairs to check on-"

"I slept with Mark. Sam caught us"

She's met with silence for a moment before Naomi starts in on her.

"Addison I get that you are hurting and I get that you are grieving but goddamit Addison!"

She listens for a split second. She knows what happened wasn't right, right now, she's not in the mood to be preached at or judged. She stands and looks her best friend of over 20 years square in the eye and tells her with a tired sigh

"Look Nae I know you hate me and I know you want to scream and bitch at me at me about how I'm a cheater and the worst person ever but really, I don't want to hear it, I don't have the time nor the energy for it, my son died okay! He died and I had to sit there and watch him be lowered into the ground today and I couldn't go to Sam and grieve because a part of me thinks he's relieved SJ is dead because he never really wanted him in the first place so…so can you just…come back tomorrow and yell at me or something?"

And with that she walks out onto her balcony and sits there, quietly watching the waves leaving Naomi in stunned silence.


	2. 1 False Alarms and False Starts

Chapter 1: False Alarms and False Starts

Ella had never experienced anything more saddening in her life than her mother's car accident. Nothing. She was barely 5 years old, but for the 10 days Addison was unconscious, Ella completely shut out everyone and anything that was around her. She didn't answer anyone's questions to her; she didn't eat, didn't sleep. She didn't want Addison to die, naturally, but there was something more to it. She and Addison had this special connection; they had since the day she was born. It was a different relationship between them. Ella couldn't function without her mother, and everyone saw it. She spent a lot of her time in the hospital waiting room, fixed on chair, listening to people. The first day, the only day that she had cried (publically, at least), was the day Sam had told her what happened. About what happened to Addison, and the baby. About how Addison was pregnant when she got into the crash, and how the baby would eventually die from being in the crash.

How Addison was "asleep" now, critically, and how she might not wake up at all. Ella gulped. She didn't even know her mother was pregnant. After that, she stayed quiet. She wanted Addison to wake up, desperately; it was all the small blonde girl could ever want. But she knew, that if she did, she'd be- different. Sad. Because of the baby. She hoped she wouldn't have to talk about it, with her. Then again, all Ella wanted to do was talk to Addison. On the 3rd day Addison had been unconscious, Ella went home with Sam. Her house was unusually quiet, empty. The musty, beach smell was present as she looked around the room. Ella stayed in her room after that. Sam and Amelia rotated bringing her food for the past few days, but Ella barely ate any of it. She watched a lot of TV; no. She didn't watch a lot of TV; what she did was stare at the screen, and think about Addison. She went to sleep in tears, woke up in tears. But no one saw her cry.

On the 7th day, Mark came to LA; first to see Addison and Sam, and then Ella. But Ella didn't open up to him, either. It was like that until the 10th day, when she had gone with Sam to the hospital to see Addison. Ella walked into Addison's hospital room, her heart pounding as she looked at her mother, pursing her lips together as she said nothing and walked up to her. Other people were there along with her and Sam too; her father, Derek, Amelia, Callie, Arizona, the Captain, and Archer being just some of them. Sam just held her hand, just for a second, and Addison's eyes started to flutter. Everyone smiled, and lit up instantly, as she started to wake up. Ella smiled brightly for a few seconds, only Mark catching it, as she backed up to let others talk to Addison.

Everything was okay; for a few seconds, until Addison asked about the baby. It was then that Ella backed up to stand against the door. She didn't want Addison to cry, to hurt. Anything. But it was inevitable, the pain was coming. Ella hadn't seen her baby brother, not once, since he was born. Since they put him in the incubator. Ella left the room after Addison told them to pull the plug. She sat in the waiting room as they wheeled her to the NICU, and she closed her eyes when she heard the cries. Ella couldn't tell what the future held for them, but she knew it wasn't good. Things wouldn't be the same for a long, long time. Maybe even forever.

In the coming days, Ella had been the only visitor that Addison would see. Every day, she would fall asleep next to Addison, and Jake would come in and pick her up from the bed and send her home with Sam. They wouldn't say anything, but Ella would go to see her mother and feel instantly better than whatever previous condition she was in. She knew Addison felt the same. She couldn't say anything to ease the pain, but Amelia told her that just being there would be more than enough for Addison. She would just lay next to her, for however long she was allowed, and Addison would hold her.

No one was allowed in Addison's hospital room but Ella, Addison wouldn't allow it. It took a while, the first day, for Ella to work up the courage to see her mother. She'd previously viciously yelled at Sam for trying to talk to her and going to see her, and she didn't want it to happen to her. But Violet gave her an extra push, and eventually she went in. Instead of yelling at her, Addison had her lie right next to her. And that was all. Sometimes, when Addison had thought Ella was asleep, and she wasn't, Ella would overhear her mother whisper things, either to her, or about her brother. Or she would hear her cry. And she was the only one, who would hear her cry. And Ella kept that with her when she wasn't with Addison; when she was at the hospital, at the house. With Mark. With Amelia. With Sam. Everyone wanted in, and everyone had something they wanted to say to Addison, but only Ella had admittance in. And she had nothing to say.

Numb, that's what she felt, numb. The only time she didn't feel so numb was when Ella was around. Ella, that was her reason to keep living. The first night after "it" happened, she wanted silence, she wanted peace. She wanted to be alone. And so she was. She tried to sleep but…all she could see was him, his tiny little body; he was only as big as two open palms but…he was hers. She memorized him: cocoa colored skin, dark hair, and for the few seconds he looked at her, she saw her own eyes looking back at her. Seeing him every single time she opened her eyes made her want to scream…

14 hours earlier

It was when he took his last breath that she completely lost it. When his chest no longer rose and fell that she freaked out. At first, there was silence, then, a scream, no, more like a whimper, followed by shaky breaths, then soft sobs, which grew louder and louder until…THAT scream after that scream it was "the most saddest thing ever known to mankind" Callie told her later. She begged and cried and pleaded with God and Arizona and Sam and Mark and everyone else to save him, but there was nothing that they could do for him.

"T-Time of death…8:13 a.m." Arizona Robbins said shakily.

Everything after that is really a blur to her but, Mark later told her "It was bad Addie, it was…the most heartbreaking shit I'd ever seen. It made me go into the waiting room and hold Ella…I mean the way you acted on Sam was just…God Addison, I felt sorry for him…You hit him and called him a bastard and a son of a bitch and…he stood there and he took it…let's not even begin to talk about how you cried…it wasn't pretty Red" The only thing she really remembers throughout the whole ordeal was Ella-her one constant. The next morning, after "it" because it took nearly a month for her to say "my baby died" she simply referred to the accident as "it", Sam came to visit her but was unsuccessful.

"Get out Sam" she said quietly; she hadn't really slept much and she wasn't in the mood for visitors but Sam was persistent…that is until she yelled at him

"I said GET OUT! Don't you understand what that means? GET OUT GET THE FUCK OUT SAM!". The only people allowed in were her doctors, Jake, and Derek and the nurses. She specifically asked that "absolutely NO one come in and visit me I don't care WHO it is, I don't want to see ANYONE". She was annoyed when there was a knock on the door later on that day. She sat up as the door opened. "I thought I said…" and then…she stops when she sees blue eyes with hints of jade staring at her. Ella…this was why she had to live. Her other child who had just turned 5 and didn't really know about her pregnancy. THIS was why she had to keep going. She looked up and saw Violet standing in the doorway. "I know you said you didn't wanna see anybody but I thought…"

"No No it's…its fine Violet, thank you, for bringing her to see me" she says quietly as Violet closes the door and leaves them alone. It's quiet, every day they spend together is quiet. There are no words said between them. She doesn't know what to say or how to explain everything to the 5 year old and she's pretty sure Ella has questions because Ella ALWAYS has questions, but this time she think's she's not sure of what to ask. She doesn't require much of Ella, just knowing she's there with her gives Addison purpose, gives her a reason to keep holding on, even though she knows the events that follow this will catapult them into the unfamiliar and there will be things that happen that will drastically change their lives forever…


	3. 2 Bring The Pain

Chapter 2: Bring The Pain

2 MONTHS LATER

It's a hard day for her, today in particular; Today is her due date. Its something she's tried to avoid thinking about, but fate or God or whoever would have things happen differently. She's in the birthing suite with Susan Westry, first time mom who's 39 weeks.

"Alright Susan push" she coaches the woman as she screams and screams until...

"Okay Good Susan, that's it...I've got the head" she says as the baby easily slides out. She takes one look and realizes it's a boy.

"It's It's a boy" she says softly. Normally she'd be happy for her patients but today, not so much.

"Addison?" Naomi calls out as she sees the red head staring down at the baby

"I'm sorry...Nae could you, could you finish here for me?" she says quickly passing the baby off to Naomi as she pushes past her, snatching off her gloves and briskly walking out of the room, slamming the door behind her, leaving everyone kind of stunned.

"Is Dr. Montgomery Okay?" Susan asked after noticing Addison leave the room. It was then that the realization of what _today _was hit Naomi

"Oh God"

"Dr. Bennett, what is it?"

"Today, Dr. Montgomery's son was due today"

"Oh God I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset her"

"No No No Susan it wasn't you" Naomi said reassuringly

"I'm gonna go make sure she's okay, can you give me just a moment?" she asked as Susan nodded as Naomi exited the room...

She needed to get out of there, away from the practice. She quickly walked past them all, hoping they wouldn't notice, hoping they would ALL forget what today was. But of course, Amelia noticed. She noticed this morning when she was sitting on the side of her bed sobbing...of course Amelia notice

"Addison?" she called out

"I'm fine" she called back, still headed for her office. Once inside, she leans against the desk, trying to catch her breath.

Outside of her of office, her co workers have gathered.

"How is she even working today?" Violet asks

"Its Addison, she works through her pain" Naomi states just as Sam approaches the group gathered around the window at Addison's office

"What's going on? What's wrong with Addison?" he asks as everyone turns to look at him

"_Please_ tell me you haven't forgotten what today is?" Amelia says through gritted teeth. Sam takes one look at Addison and realizes what today is

"Its his due date, he would've been born today" he sighs

"Yeah" Naomi says quietly as Sam walks over to the reception area and tells the receptionist to cancell his and Addison's patients for the rest of the day before walking into Addison's office, closing the blinds and locking the door behind him.

"Addison" he calls out softly

"Go Away Sam" she mumbles

"Addie"

"Just Go Sam, I'm fine"

"Addison, you're not, you're not fine Addie"

"He's due, he's due today...I'm supposed to be in labor today, my...SJ's supposed to be born today" she whispers tearfully as she turns to face him

"I know" he says quietly as he walks across the room towards her

"This isn't supposed to be like this, he's supposed to be here! He's not...I wasn't ready, he was so small, so little...Oh God...he's, he... he's..." and she promptly breaks down in his arms and he comforts her, running his hands through her hair and holding her close

"Shhh, I know Addie I know"

"I still hate you" she whispers

"I know"

Suddenly, she looks up at him, and kisses him. He responds to the kiss, pulling her close to him.

"Addison"

"Shut up"

They continue kissing until their clothes are semi discarded(he scrub pants and panties are carelessly tossed aside and his pants and boxers are shoved down to his ankles) and she's perched on the edge of her desk and he's fucking her into oblivion.

"Oh God Addie"

"Shut up, don't talk, just fuck me Sam"

It's not long until she's crying out his name as he releases his cum inside of her. Once they've had time to recover, she rests her head on his shoulder for a moment before pulling away.

"You have to go now" she instructs him as she climbs off of the desk and starts dressing again

"Addison what?"

"It was just sex Sam; I was in pain and...I wanted a release and...you gave it to me...thank you"

"So, you just used me for sex then?"he asks bitterly

She walks over to him and kisses him

"Nothing's changed Sam" she tells him as she straightens out her clothes and leaves the office

1 WEEK LATER

"Addison, what's this? I found a letter of resignation on my desk" Naomi asks as she walks into the red head's office and notices boxes strewn about as if Addison's leaving

"I quit. I took a job at St. Ambrose as the head of their NICU unit. Amelia and Pete bought out my shares and I've already hired a new OB to replace me who specializes in fertility as well, Jake Reilly, you'll like him, he's really great" she says handing Naomi the manila envelope with all of Jake's credentials

"Oh. And I hear you're moving too?"

"Yeah, I can't stay there anymore, too many memories; Amelia's gonna rent it out"

"What about Sam?"

"We haven't spoken since he caught me in bed with Mark. He came over and moved his things out the next day"

"So you two are over?"

"We've been over since I found out I was pregnant Nae, maybe even before that…look I'm sorry about Sam, I wasted 20 years of our friendship over something I was sure was gonna last forever…if you can forgive me I really just want to start over because I miss you Naomi, I miss us being close…I just want my best friend back"

Naomi isn't sure how to respond because this, this isn't her Addie talking to her. Right now she's not talking to her best friend, she's talking to a broken woman, so she responds to her in that manner by simply saying "Okay"


	4. 3 Changes

Chapter 3: Changes

4 MONTHS LATER

She's adjusted to the move and the new job pretty well. She loves her new house. It's further out in Los Angeles, away from the beach in a neighborhood she's sure Bizzy would've approved of. She's decided not to make Ella go to the fancy new private school that's only 10 minutes away from their house because she's already disrupted her life with the move and the loss of the baby so, letting her stay at the Delphi Academy was her way of making it up to her. She hasn't really talked to Mark since the funeral, not really talked about what happened. Though Callie told her he broke up with Lexie after they got back to Seattle. She said it had "absolutely nothing to do with her" but she's not so convinced about that. So she calls him one afternoon as she sits outside of Ella's school waiting to pick her up.

"_Hey you've reached Mark Sloan, leave me a message and I'll call you back soon as I can"_

"Hey Mark it's me…Addison. Look I know we haven't really spoken since…that day but I want you to know Im really, really sorry about what happened. I was in a bad place and I just…I hope you didn't break up with Lexie because of me and what happened between us because I never meant to hurt you Mark, though somehow I always do…anyways Im really sorry…I have the weekend off and since Ella's flying out to Seattle to see you, I was thinking maybe I'd come with her so that we could talk, you know maybe go out to dinner or something plus, it'd be nice for Ella to be able to spend time with both of us…anywho, I guess you can call when you get this…Bye"

Once she hangs up, Ella's teacher approaches her car

"Oh Dr. Montgomery, Hi"

"Hi"

"didn't anyone call you and tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Ella got sick earlier, she was having trouble breathing"

"Where is she?"

"Oh Dr. Bennett came and picked her up"

"Dr. Bennett as in Sam Bennett?"

"Yes, he's on her emergency contact list behind Dr. Amelia Shepherd"

"Right, so he picked her up?"

"Uh huh, we're so sorry no one called you"

"Its fine, I think I might have been in surgery then but thank you for telling me though"

She smiles politely and thanks the teacher one last time and drives in the direction of Sam's house-the one place she doesn't want to go and the one person she sure as hell doesn't want to see.

She sits in her car for a few minutes staring at her old beach house. She misses it, and she knows Ella misses it too, which is why she stands off to the side for a few minutes watching Sam and Ella play out on the beach before walking over to them.

"Hey" she says smiling causing Ella and Sam to turn around

"Mommy!" and this is what makes her heart swell with pride as her beautiful daughter runs towards her. Her beauty makes Addison's breath catch in the back of her throat as the little blonde haired ocean eyed girl runs towards her and she scoops her up into her arms holding her close for a few moments

"Hey sweetie, oh, you're getting heavy" she says kissing her hair

"Mommy Im not THAT heavy!" Ella giggles

"Hey Addison" Sam greets. His tone is even not laced with disdain as it should be

"Hey"

Thankfully, Amelia breaks their silence and walks out onto the deck

"Hey Addie, fancy seeing you in these parts again"

"I was picking Ella up apparently she got sick at school and-"

"I didn't get sick, I just forgotted my inhaler and I was at recess and I was running and I couldn't breathe and I started gaspin for air and my teacher tried to call you but you didn't answer so they called Sam" Ella informs her in a very fast and dramatic manner

"Oh"

"Yeah I was done with my patients for the day so I picked her up and I remembered that she had an inhaler at my place" Sam says reaching out to ruffle Ella's hair

"Oh"

"Yeah and I knew you had back to back surgeries so we spent the day here at my place out on the beach, right Elle"

"Uh huh, I had so much fun momma!"

"Im sure you did baby"

"Mom can we stay? Sam's makin his extra special chicken…the kind you really like, so can we stay? Please mom, please, please, please?" and then there's the face she can't say no to because she adores Ella so much. And even though Sam is the last person she wants to spend her evening with, she obliges, for Ella.

Dinner is…quiet, at least for them its quiet. Although through Ella's constant chatter and Amelia's sudden urge to have dinner with them, you'd never know anything was wrong. Ella begs to stay longer since Sam has ice cream and Addison obliges, which gives her time to catch up with Amelia while Sam offers to help Ella with her homework-just like old times.

Addison sits out on her old deck with Amelia sipping on a glass of wine just like she used to.

"I miss it here, I mean I love my new house but, I miss here, being here" she admits quietly to Amelia

"I miss having you here too, so does Sam"

"Amelia, Sam and I were over the minute he caught me in bed with Mark Sloan"

"You slept with Mark?"

"You didn't know?"

"Nobody knows, well I sure as hell didn't know"

"I thought he told everyone after he left I thought he-"

"He came downstairs and said he suddenly didn't feel well, then he went next door"

"So he didn't tell people?"

"No…you slept with Mark?"

"Amelia!"

"You brought it up Addie…can I ask why?"

"I was in a really bad place Amy; my kid had just died and I was feeling awful and…Mark was there and I was numb and I wanted to feel something, anything other than the hurt I was feeling and I wanted Sam to hurt as much as I was hurting"

"You wanted to hurt Sam?"

"He didn't…he never wanted SJ Amelia"

"How can you-"

"He didn't want kids with me…ever"

"Ohhh"

"Yeah so…"

"So you slept with Mark"

"I slept with Mark"

After a few more minutes of small talk with Amelia, she heads back to Sam's to find him cleaning the kitchen while Ella peacefully sleeps on the couch. Once inside, she's met with an odd and painful silence

"Oh hey, I didn't hear you come in" Sam says just as he puts the last dish away

"Yeah I was just talking to Amelia"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me Addison"

"Right"

There's an odd pregnant pause before she makes her way over to the couch to pick up the sleeping 5 and a half year old, tossing her Princess backpack onto her shoulder.

"She misses you" are the only words Addison can muster up at this point

"I miss her too" Sam replies softly before Addison heads to her car.

Ella is allowed one weekly visit to Sam's house after that, which usually involves Addison staying for dinner and Ella falling asleep on Sam's couch.

In the next four months, Ella's life changed drastically. After her mother got a chance to recover over the baby's death, she quit her job at the practice and they moved houses. The new house was okay, Ella thought it was pretty. Her room was bigger, and she had a bigger closet. But it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same not having Sam and Amelia right next door, and not having the beach in the backyard. It wasn't the same coming home at night with her mother not to see Sam making dinner, it wasn't the same not tripping on his shoes in the front hall walking into the house. It wasn't the same not going to the practice most days after school, and not seeing all of her mother's friends all the time.

Everyone slowly started to leave her life, including her father. But the person Ella missed most, that she never- never, EVER saw or talked to anymore, was Sam. Sam, who took her to school, Sam who made her dinner. Sam who took her side in every opposition she would face with Addison. After the funeral, Addison and Sam didn't talk anymore. And Ella didn't have a say in that. So after Addison allowed Ella to see Sam once a week, Ella became happier. It wasn't the same as living with him, but it was the best Ella saw happening. She was, now, more-or-less in two custody agreements. One with Sam, and one with Mark. Who she also didn't see or talk to very much in the past four months, even though Addison had promised her she was to go to Seattle for the weekend, which Ella now looked forward to.

Whoever Addison didn't see anymore, Ella didn't either. It had really become just Addison and Ella, again. Not even. Even when Addison moved to LA, when Ella was just 2, they had people. They had Naomi and Sam, and later Violet, Pete, Charlotte, Dell, Cooper. Amelia, Jake, Maya, Betsy, Mason, Lucas. But Ella didn't see them anymore. Ella didn't see her family anymore. And that brought her down. She thought about them almost every night before she went to bed in her new spacious room. But she'd never tell Addison. In fact, she didn't really tell her mother anything anymore. They talked, yes. But it wasn't the same.

Ella wanted life to go back to the way it was, before the crash. Before everything.

Because nothing was the same anymore.


	5. 4 Dreaming Of You

Chapter 4: Dreaming of You

_She wasn't able to sleep. Sleeping seemed VERY uncomfortable, even with Sam's arm wrapped around her swollen belly. She still could not sleep. This kid was kicking the crap out of her. It was so bad that she had to sit up in bed. "Addie? You okay?" Sam asks sleepily. Its only 6 a.m. but the pain won't stop_

"_Sam, I think I'm in labor" she says quietly_

"_You are?"_

"_Yeah well, I'm 39 weeks, the baby could come at any time-" she pauses to take a breath "and I think he's coming now" she pants as Sam throws his legs over the side of the bed and searches for a pair of sweapants and a shirt_

"_You okay baby?" he pauses to ask_

"_Yeah, Yeah I'm fine" she winces just as Ella wanders sleepily into their room _

"_Mommy, what's wrong?" the 5 and a half year old asks_

"_Mommy's having the baby Elle" Sam tells her as her eyes widen just as Addison cries out_

"_He's hurting her! SJ's hurting Mommy!" Ella cries_

"_No, No, No, honey, he's not hurting me he's just…anxious to see everyone" Addison says through gritted teeth as Amelia appears in the doorway looking sleep deprived_

"_Tell me you're not in labor?" She groans as Addison nods_

_The ride to the hospital is quick because there's not much traffic on the freeway at 6 a.m. _

"_Oh my God this hurts!" Addison cries out_

"_Its supposed to Addie, it's childbirth, you've done this before with Ella" Naomi chuckles_

"_No, No, No, it didn't hurt this much with Ella. It shouldn't hurt this much, I had an epidural! Its not supposed to hurt"_

_The labor is hell, with sharp pains shooting through her body every few seconds and being told that she can't push just yet I need to push! This kid needs to come out already!" she cries as she looks at…Jake? What's he doing here?_

"_Addison you can't push yet" Jake tells her_

"_I need to push"_

_Finally she's able to push and the baby comes…he seems strong, based on the way he's screaming. But then…She's in the NICU and Arizona and Alex are unhooking him from the machines and…she's pivoted back to where she was 2 months before... _

She wakes up in a cold sweat. She looks down and sees her now flat stomach. She looks over next to her and sees her sleeping 5 year old in bed with her, not Sam.

And she realizes…it was just a dream.

6 months later and she's still having dreams about him. It's been nearly 6 months since the accident and 4 since they moved. She couldn't stay there, looking at everyone, at Sam. She couldn't go home anymore because there were supposed to be two kids in her house, not one. She was finally supposed to have her little family.

But, that was ruined and she couldn't stand being apart of what was supposed to be but wasn't. Charlotte had been bugging her-even before the baby, about taking on a position as head of Neonatal at St. Ambrose and now with the everything that's happened…she's decided to take it. She thought that taking the job, engrossing herself in surgeries all of the time would somehow fix her but, she's still broken.  
She doesn't communicate with anyone from the practice, she's alone again-just her and Ella. Ella, who she un-intentionally forgot about in all of this mess. Ella, who only seems to light up when she visits Sam once a week. She's trying to make herself believe that things will get better, that a change in scenery is what she needs. So, she keeps up this charade another 8 months, until one chance encounter with Sam on their son's first birthday, makes her realize her foolish mistake.


	6. 5 Happy Birthday

Chapter 5: Happy Birthday

8 MONTHS LATER

This new lifestyle, the one Ella seemingly adapted to, had become routine. She went to the same school she started at the beginning of the year, and Addison made her breakfast, lunch, and dinner now (except on the one day a week she got to see Sam, in which he would make her dinner). Ella saw her father regularly, one weekend every month, in which she flew by herself every time, and she saw Sam regularly as well, every Friday after school. She talked to Addison, but not like she used to.

And she certainly did not ask her questions anymore. Ella always had questions, but Addison wasn't the person she'd pick to answer them anymore.

Months went by as Ella went through life, barely remembering ever being completely content. She could tell her mother wasn't; she smiled around Ella but even she knew that she was still- Sad. That was the general tone of her life now; sad, being sad. Sadness. Sometimes, when she'd play with her friends. Or talk to Sam, she'd forget. Ella would forget all of the sad things she thought about, and become a regular 5 year-old little girl. But it was only for a little while.

She still prayed; every night, before she went to sleep. Most of the time, she'd do it right before Addison came to tuck her into bed. Ella prayed for her brother SJ, for her Dad, for Sam, for Amelia, for everyone she didn't see at the practice anymore. Mostly she prayed for Addison; that one day she would be happy again. Whether it was here, like this, or with Sam, or just with her. Ella didn't think she could handle much more of the sadness anymore. It had overcome her.

One cool night, right before Ella was to get tucked into go to sleep, she kneeled in front of bed, like she had always done before praying, and she folded her hands, her shoulders leaning on the bed. She took a deep breath, and she closed her eyes and started speaking softly.

"Dear God, please keep safe my Daddy in Seattle, and all my family up there. And Sam, back at hom- I mean, the old house. And Amelia, and everybody at Mommy's old work that I don't see anymore. Take care of my brother in heaven, and make sure he knows how much we all loved and missded him, 'specially Mommy. God, please make my Mommy happy. I know I don't make her happy like SJ would-a. But please help her not feel so sad all the time. I don't like ta-see her sad. Thank you God. Love Ella."

She said, keeping her eyes closed for another moment before she opened them, her blue/green eyes looking out the window on the wall on the other side of her bed as she stood up. Just then, Addison closed the door of Ella's room softly, walking into her own room as the words she overheard Ella said echoed in her head…

Days later, on SJ's first birthday, Ella got up early, knowing of the occasion. Addison took her to school, at the normal time. But Ella could tell she was, well- off. She asked if she could stay home for the day, since it was her late baby brother's birthday, but Addison didn't allow it, and took her to school anyway. When she got to school, she hopped out of the back seat of her mother's car and ran up the main stairwell of the school, and stopped half-way up the stairs to turn and look at Addison through the car window one last time before she went to school for the day. Ella looked at her mother with sorrowful eyes, giving her a slight nod as she walked up the rest of the stairs, entering her school.

It's cold for this time of year in LA. Today there's unusually cold weather in LA. It was cold enough for Ella to need a sweater when she took her to school this morning. And it feels as if the weather has dropped even more since this morning as the cool air hits her bare legs as she gets out of her car. A few stray leaves crumple underneath her heels as the soft the dewy grass makes a soft squishy sound beneath her feet as she approaches her destination. Something makes her pause for a moment. She spots a figure stooping down over her son's grave. She'd know that head from anywhere. Sam. Why the hell is he here? She wonders to herself before walking closer, as she can hear him talking.

"Hey little guy, hey SJ. Happy first birthday son. I know I don't come out here to see you often but today I decided to make the trip. Happy Birthday buddy. Right now your mommy would be freaking out over some overly extravagant birthday party she'd insist on throwing for you while I'd be laughing softly telling her "babe, he's 1 he's not gonna remember it" You'd be off somewhere playing with Ella. You'd like your big sister. She'd be teaching you all sorts of big kid stuff. Mommy would just be getting back into the swing of going back to work full time because she'd take the whole first year off of work because she'd want to spend as much time with you as possible."

"She'd be…an incredible mom because she's an incredible mom to your sister. You've got 2 of those you know, Maya, she's the oldest, she's almost 20. She lives in New York with her husband Dink, that's what we call him and your niece Olivia. You've got a nice and you're only a year old. And then there's Ella. She talked to you a lot while you were in mommy's tummy. She talked to you about school and her friends and how much she couldn't wait to meet you…But no one was more excited about you getting here like your mom. When she found out you were a boy, oh, she went out and decorated your room in this, this green color with all sorts of jungle animals even though I told her to go with basketball because of the way you used to kick her all the time. But she insisted on a jungle theme" he laughs softly at the memory before clearing his throat to continue.

"Your mommy hates me right now buddy, because I was a complete…well, daddy wasn't very nice to her when she got pregnant with you. I was scared. I was scared that I'd be a bad daddy to you like I was to Maya. You see, when Maya was 16 she got pregnant with Olivia. She was fine growing up, never really gave me and her mom any trouble. But after we divorced, well she just sorta…she changed. I loved Maya's mom I really did but…I don't know I guess I wasn't husband material, which is why I never asked your mommy to marry me because I didn't want to do to her what I did to Maya's mom. I wasn't happy when your mom was pregnant with you SJ. I was scared that I was gonna screw you up like I did Maya. I was scared of hurting your mom and you and Ella more than I already had. I didn't have a dad growing up. I promised myself that when I had kids I'd be there for them, to protect them, to love them and that I'd never run out on their mother, but I did."

"I ran out on Maya's mom instead of fighting for my marriage and I ran out on your mom because I was scared I was gonna do her the exact same way I did Naomi. I was scared. If I could go back and change it all, I would. You'd still be here and your mom and I would be happy and together and in love and married now. I'd probably be trying to convince her to have another baby but she'd be telling me how we should wait because she's not a rabbit and she can't just keep popping out babies and how's she just lost all of her baby weight with you…I'd change it all, just for another chance to be with you and her" he pauses again, this time to wipe his face because he's been crying. He leans over once more and kisses the head stone and whispers

"Happy Birthday Son" Before he stands to leave, only to be met by Addison…

Before he can say anything to her, she pushes past him and promptly places the flowers she's brought onto the grave, promising SJ she'll come back and visit him later on in the day. And with that she pushes past Sam and heads for her car.


	7. 6 In Another Life

Chapter 6: In another Life

When she arrives back at her car, she cries, more like sobs. She could see everything he talked about, it was the EXACT life she envisioned for them. They'd probably be married by now, or at least engaged; neither one of them would be in a rush to get married again since they both have the words "divorced" stamped next to their marital status. And he'd sure enough be trying to convince her to have another baby, and she'd utter those exact same words Sam said she would "No babe! No! Sam come on! Sam No! why? Because I'm not a rabbit that's why! Babe…nooo! I JUST lost all of the baby weight I had with SJ!"

She'd pout and whine about it and they'd bicker for a few weeks, maybe a few months to the point where she'd deprive him of sex and make him sleep downstairs. But, they'd eventually have make up sex which would result in yet another surprise pregnancy. This time it'd be a girl and she'd name her something like Haleigh or Carson or Summer or something really cute like that. But now…those dreams would NEVER happen because they'd been ruined. HE had ruined them. In her mind Sam was just as responsible for SJ's death as the motherfucker who plowed into their car that night.

She's pissed while at work and everyone notices. Mostly, Dr. Montgomery is a pleasure to around or with. But there are days, like today where Derek's nickname comes into play. After she snaps at a nurse for not getting some charts right, Naomi walks over to her friend.

"Hey, you okay because you're being bitchy and mean and that's not normally like you" she says placing an arm on Addison's shoulder

"Today would've been his birthday, he'd be 1 today" she says in a shaky breath

"Oh Addie, oh, honey I'm sorry" She says wrapping an arm around her friend as the redhead rests her head on her shoulder

"Sam was there, visiting him, his grave rather"

"What?"

"And it made me…it pissed me off Nae! I mean how _dare_ he show up there on today of all days, saying all of those things…"

"He was his father Addison"

"No! he had no right being there saying all those things…"

"What things Addie"

"It's nothing Nae, really" she says waving a hand dismissively before turning her attention to the paperwork in front of her

"Addison, what did Sam say?" Naomi says in a more demanding tone which lets her know that ex husband and father of her child or not, she will kick his ass over hurting Addison.

"Nothing Naomi"

"Addie, what did Sam say?" Naomi asks more forcefully

"He said…it's not so much what he said, well it is but, its more so about the picture he painted"

"Picture? Okay I'm not following here"

She sighs heavily "He told SJ of the life we should have right now if he were…alive. How I would be home planning some crazy elaborate birthday party"

"True" Naomi interjects, which gets her a glare from the red head

"What? Its true and you know its true Addie"

"You're supposed to be on MY side here Nae!"

"I know I am, go on…continue"

"He talked about how SJ would be and how much everyone would love him…he talked about…us"

"Us? As in you and him?"

"Yeah, he said…he said we'd be trying to have another baby, or he'd be convincing or trying to convince me to have another one" she says laughing softly when she thinks about it, smiling even

"So, was any of what he said true? Apparently it is because you're smiling" Naomi says softly

"It probably would be happening, all of it but…he screwed that up by not wanting him in the first place"

"Oh Addie you know he wanted-"

"No Nae, he didn't. If you had seen the look on his face when I told him…"


	8. 7 Flashbacks Bring Back Pain

Chapter 7: Flashbacks Bring Back Pain

**a/n: I know it's been FOREVER since I've updated but, I seem to have found inspiration to update-and possibly finish. There are only a couple of chapters left(3 or 4 maybe) before I end this fic. Please enjoy chapter 7-8 if you include the prologue**

**Reviews are love(:**

She can remember everything. From the moment the stick turned positive, to SJ's last breath. All painful reminders of what could have been and what was supposed to be. That night, after seeing Sam at SJ's grave she dreams of them and exactly what was supposed to happen that day…

_She can feel his arms wrapped around her torso as she smiles in her sleep before snuggling back into him. His warm breath is on her neck and it sends shivers down her spine. She grins again , and before she knows it, Sam is whispering in her ear,_

"_It's our son's birthday"_

_She smiles and lazily rolls over to face him._

"_It is isn't it?" she says teasingly, her long arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders as he pulls her closer, more like on top of him, causing her to giggle._

"_Sam, it's so early" she whines before glancing over at the clock which reads 6:15_

"_Come on Addie" he probes, his hands moving up and down her sides_

"_Is that all you think about, having sex with me?" she questions playfully_

"_No, I also think about my amazing step daughter, Maya, my beautiful grandbaby, my amazing son, my job…"_

"_And?"_

"_Oh and you too" he teases_

"_Haha, very funny, well in that case, no sex for you" she says rolling off of him_

"_Addie!"_

"_Nope! No birthday sex for you and…I was gonna do that thing you love, twice" she smirks _

"_Twice?" he asks longingly_

"_Twice but, nope, I'm not gonna do it now!" she says before heading into the bathroom_

"_Come on Addison, we're married!" he says _

"_And?" she grins before closing the door behind her. Sam falls back into the pillows, groaning._

* * *

_ After a 15 minute shower and a 30 minute morning routine, she heads down the hall to find that SJ's already awake; Ella's reading to him_

"…_and they all lived happily ever-after" she says closing the book_

"_gin!" SJ claps happily_

"_SJ!" Ella groans_

"_Well, this is a nice sight" Addison says from the doorway causing both children to look up at her_

"_Oh, hi mommy, I was just reading SJ a story" Ella says smiling_

"_I noticed. Hi there birthday boy" she says as she reaches down to pick up SJ who happily nuzzles into the crook of his mother's neck_

"_Oh, hi sweet boy. It's your birthday today, yes it is" Addison says lightly before tickling her son who shrieks before wrapping his tiny arms around her neck_

"_Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma!" he responds before letting out a content sigh. _

_The day is pretty busy, even though it's SJ's birthday there's still work and school. She drops Ella off before heading in to the practice. She's scheduled herself a light day today (mostly check ups) as she spends the majority of the time on the phone with caterers, entertainers and people of the likes. _

_Around noon Amelia is sticking her head in her office._

"_Addie?"_

"_Yeah what is it?" she asks_

"_You, have visitors" she says before stepping aside to reveal one Mark Sloan, Callie, Arizona, Sofia, Derek, Zola, Bailey and Tuck._

"_What are you guys doing here?" she asks before walking over to greet them all_

"_Sam got called in for a surgery so, he thought we'd like to hang out here" Bailey says_

"_Wow, you two were right, this place is like a spa" Callie murmurs _

"_Right! A total spa" Bailey teases_

"_It is not a spa!" Addison argues_

* * *

_Since she's pretty much done seeing patients for the day, she invites the group back to she and Sam's house._

"_Wow Addison! No wonder you moved here, the view's beautiful" Arizona says as the 4 women sit out on the deck with a glass of wine_

"_Exactly" Addison smiles_

"_So, how's Naomi handling all of this? You and Sam being married, with a kid?" Callie asks_

"_Like…Derek deals with the fact that Mark and I have Ella together" She replies_

"_Wow, So she wasn't mad?"_

"_At first she was furious but, once she saw that what we had wasn't a game, she accepted it"_

"_So how has it been, you and Sam?" Bailey asks_

"_It's been…well it hasn't been easy that's for sure but, we're making it work, day by day. I love him, he loves me and, that's what gets us through, knowing how much we love each other and how much we love SJ"_

_The party is a success. That night after everything's over, Addison gives in and does the thing Sam likes, three times._

* * *

As she continues to dream, a smile appears on her face. But the second part of her dream quickly causes that smile to fade away.

_She remembers everything. From the moment the stick turned blue, to SJ's last breath. Every bit of it, a painful reminder of what was supposed to be and what could have been._

_Things haven't been easy for them lately. With Maya's accident, Dell's death, the new changes with the practice, Naomi finding out about them being a couple. The last thing they need is yet another thing to complicate their relationship. Unfortunately, one week of fighting and some crazy make up sex, causes a pregnancy test(several, 4 in fact) to turn up positive. _

_The first words to leave her mouth once she gets the results are,_

"_Oh, Shit"_

_She doesn't want to tell him because they've just moved in together and Naomi's just starting to be okay with them being together(though they keep the PDA to a minimal in her presence, per her request). She tries to blame it on the flu, but that only works for so long. Then, Sam starts to get suspicious._

"_Addison" he asks one night as they sit out on the deck, curled up on a lounge chair together._

"_Yeah what is it" she asks absently_

"_Addie, you aren't, you aren't pregnant, are you?"_

_She turns to face Sam, her bottom lip immediately sucks into her mouth, pearly white teeth graze over it as she stares into his eyes_

"_Addison, you're not, right? I mean, you're not, are you because you're on the pill, that's why we don't..." he asks_

_She has to take in a couple of deep breaths before she nods her head. He in return, shakes his_

"_No, I need to hear you say it. I need to hear you verbally state-"_

"_Sam I'm pregnant" she quickly blurts, her eyes immediately shutting, to keep from crying._

_She hears him sigh heavily, then she feels him move away from her, stand and walk back into the house, without another word. She sighs heavily, wishing she could have a glass of wine as the tears pour from her eyes._

* * *

_ They don't speak about their impending child or what should be done about it. He doesn't ask her to abort it, so she doesn't. They simply pretend that she's isn't pregnant. She goes to all of her appointments, alone. They only speak of it when she tells him,_

"_It's a boy, in case you were wondering. I'm due in July" after that, nothing else is said on the matter. Knowing that she's having a baby with the man she loves, knowing that he doesn't really want the baby, kills her everyday. _

"_Sam, maybe, maybe you should-" she states one night as he sits in the study looking over patient files_

"_Maybe I should what, Addison?" his voice seems tired, an underlying tone of agitation present_

"_Maybe you should, move back into your place" she says a bit more firmly. Frankly, she's tired of his indifference about the pregnancy. Basically, she's fed up_

"_Addison, please"_

"_No I mean it Sam. I think you should move back into your place. Amelia can move back in here with me and Ella"_

"_What about the baby?" he asks blankly_

"_Oh now you wanna know about the baby? Sam, if you're not happy then, why are you still here?" she asks, her voice full of emptiness_

_He can't seem to answer her. She sighs heavily before rolling her eyes and walking away. _

_Naomi finds out about the pregnancy a few days after that. She seems genuinely happy for Addison and Sam, well mostly Addison since she and Sam aren't exactly on good terms these days. Things stay this way for a bit longer, Addison attempting every now and then to make Sam realize that they're having a baby together but, he's non-responsive. He puts forth the effort, once Addison's basically given up trying._

* * *

_ He sticks his head into her office one raining morning, clearing his throat to get her attention. She looks up at him expectantly though no words are exchanged._

"_Come to dinner with me" is all he says_

"_Why? It's supposed to rain, all day" she counters, her glasses sitting on the edge of her nose as she peers over them at him_

"_Ugh! Addison can't I do something nice for my girlfriend and the mother of my child?"_

_She has to stop her self from letting out a snort. Instead, she smirks and coolly responds_

"_Oh, so NOW I'm the mother of your child?" _

_He can sense the sarcasm dripping from her voice. He closes his eyes, running a hand across the top of his bald head. He knows he deserves the cold shoulder she's giving him for the way he's been acting during the pregnancy. He takes in a deep breath before responding,_

"_Just…get dressed, we're leaving at 7"_

"_What about Ella?" she asks as he's about to leave_

"_Amelia's agreed to watch her" is all he says before heading back to his office. One he's there, he reaches into his desk and pulls out a small box. Opening it, he stares down at the beautiful 4 karat platinum diamond ring. He sighs to himself. He knows that the damage he's done is damn near impossible to repair but, if, IF she hears him out at dinner tonight, he plans on spending the rest of his life making it up to her, and to their son._

_The rest of the day drags on, but finally, it's time for Addison to get off. She stops into Amelia's office to see Ella before she leaves. The sight of the blonde haired ocean colored eyed 5 year old always seems to bring a smile to her face. Ella's sitting on her knees, her tiny upper body hovered over the table in Amelia's office as she concentrates on her drawing._

"_Hey there princess" she says from the doorway, causing Ella's head to shoot up. She gives her mother a smile that seems to brighten up Addison's whole world_

"_Hi mommy!" her voice is happy, full of life as Addison strides into the office, planting a kiss on the top of her daughter's head._

"_Alright munchkin, I'm off to dinner with, Sam so, you be a good girl for Aunty Amelia, okay?" she instructs_

"_I'm always a good girl for Aunt 'Melia mommy"_

_She can't really argue with that response. Ella's basically an angel for anyone who has to baby sit her._

"_Just making sure" Addison says before placing a kiss onto the young girl's cheeks_

"_Love you, see you tomorrow, okay?"_

"'_Kay, love you too mommy" Ella says, flashing her a big smile before Addison walks out of the office, quietly thanking Amelia for doing this, who simply replies_

"_It's no problem Addie, you know Ella's my favorite 5 year old"_

* * *

_ Once she gets on the elevator, Naomi steps on right after her. It's the first time the two women have been alone in God knows when. Addison feels the baby kick, quickly pressing a hand to her stomach._

"_Everything okay Addie?" Naomi asks_

"_Yeah, he's just kicking me like crazy. I swear he's gonna be some type of athlete" she replies, causing Naomi to chuckle_

_They fall into a comfortable silence just as elevator reaches the ground floor. Naomi steps out first, but turns around when Addison calls out to her._

"_Nae!"_

"_What is it Addie?"_

"_I…I miss you"_

_Naomi smiles sadly before replying, "I miss you too Addie, I miss you too"_

_The traffic on the freeway causes her to get home later than she'd wanted. When she does get home, it takes her a bit longer than normal to get dressed because she's so tired._

"_Addison, we're gonna be late!" Sam calls out to her from down stairs. He's already dressed and, he looks good she must admit. _

"_Well I'm sorry but, it takes me a bit longer to get dressed these days, being pregnant and all" she tells him as she stands at the top of the stairs, gesturing towards her 7 month stomach_

_He sighs heavily before replying, "Can you just…go a little faster?" he asks_

"_I'm going as fast as I can Sam!" she snaps before she goes back into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her._

_He leans back into the cushions on the couch, rubbing his temples with his thumb and forefinger before pulling out the ring. He hopes they can get through dinner long enough for him to apologize and propose._

_But it doesn't go that way. She's slow and he grows impatient which causes them to spend the remainder of the evening throwing snaky comments at each other._

_When she does come downstairs, she looks beautiful, a simple Black knee length dress that shows of her stomach, her hair is curled perfectly. She's simply beautiful, but the scowl on her face takes away from everything._

_Once they make it to the door, it's raining, which makes Sam sigh heavily before going into the closet and grabbing an umbrella. One their way out Addison mutters,_

"_Told you it was supposed to rain tonight"_

* * *

_ The ride to the restaurant is quiet, deadly quiet, aside from the music coming from the car radio. His focus is on the road, but her eyes are glued to her cell phone. She's texting, a clear sign she's annoyed with him. He sighs heavily, causing her to glance over at him._

"_Can you, put that away, please" he asks as nicely as possible, but is met with a shitload of attitude_

"_Why?"_

"_Because, this is supposed to be a night about us" he replies_

_This, she has to scoff at before rolling her eyes and giving him a smart assed reply_

"_Oh, so NOW there's an US?"_

_He sighs heavily before asking,_

"_Why do you have to make this so, difficult?"_

_Addison sighs heavily, running a hand through her hair before replying_

"_This shouldn't, this shouldn't BE difficult Sam. You're not a first time parent and neither am I so this shouldn't BE difficult. Sam, I'm 7 months pregnant. This baby, your SON will be here before you know it and-"_

"_Please don't remind me" he mutters but mentally kicks himself in the ass when he says it. She glares at him before smacking his arm and turning away from him. After a few moments, he can hear sniffling. 'Oh Shit' he says to himself. She's crying. That's the LAST thing he wanted, for Addison to be crying. Now, she's NEVER going to listen to him or forgive him._

"_Addie, I-"_

"_Would you have been happy if, f I'd had…If I had had an, abortion?" she asks quietly, still not looking at him_

_Her question stings. He'd never ONCE thought about her aborting their baby; that was why he hadn't mentioned it._

"_Addison, I wouldn't have been happy" he tells her honestly. In truth? If she'd had an abortion, he'd have been devastated, beyond that, broken, crushed. But he thinks she has the right to question how he feels, given he's been an asshole the past 7 months._

"_I think you would've been happy. In fact, I bet you wish I hadn't gotten pregnant, don't you?"_

"_Addison I never said I didn't-"_

"_You might as well have with the way you've been acting" now he's done it. She's yelling. Telling him_

"_If you don't want this baby I told you what you can do Sam"_

"_Please don't remind me Addison" he honestly doesn't want to leave her, or their son. He's never wanted to leave her. It's just…things had been crazy. His 16 year old daughter had gotten pregnant, got married and was nearly killed in a car accident so, of course he wasn't thrilled when his girlfriend told him she was pregnant. He was already dealing with feeling like he'd failed Maya. Plus there was the fear of him and Addison starting something new, a new family. He liked what they had, the two of them and Ella. He wasn't ready for another person to look up to him. He wasn't ready for the pressure or responsibility of having to raise another child. Sure, he helped with Ella but, his role in her life was limited because Mark was her father._

_He's pretty much zoned her out at this point. He's afraid. The truth? He wants to leave. He does, he wants to bolt and run and never look back. But, he's a good man so, he doesn't run out on his obligations. She thinks that they, her and the baby are an "obligation" to him so she tells him he can just,_

"_Leave Sam! I'm giving you a way out! I don't want your money, you don't have to give me anything, you can just go! I've been raising Ella on my own since I left Seattle and we've been just fine I can raise this baby without you!"_

_She hasn't stopped yelling yet. She's been yelling non stop for nearly 5 minutes now once he glances at the clock which reads 7:20. She's saying how she feels stupid for falling in love with him and how much she hates him. None of this really phases him. He can't argue with her because he's been a total and complete JACKASS lately. It isn't until hear her say that _

"_Mark Sloan has been twice the father that you'll ever be to this baby!"_

_That, is where he loses his cool. Once the reach a red light he turns and snaps at her,_

"_Well then goddamit Addison why don't you go be with him then? Let Sloan help you raise the baby!" there's so much more he wants to say to her. He wants to tell her he's sorry for the way he's acted, how much he loves her, but she's fuming and so is he so there's NO chance of being able to say any of that._

* * *

_ Just as she opens her mouth to respond, the light turns green and Sam pulls out, but, suddenly, out of nowhere, they're met with a forceful impact-on Addison's side of the car, which sends it spinning out of control. He tries to hit the breaks but, the car seems to be out of control, because of the rain, causing them to hit an embankment, which sends the car flying through the air, before flipping 3 times, landing on its side, Addison's side._

_The last thing Sam can remember is the sound of the impact, and Addison's scream._

_When he comes to, everything's blurry at first. Once everything comes into view, he realizes that the car is on it's side. He quickly looks over at where Addison should be but, she isn't there. Somehow, he manages to get out of the car. People have started gathering at the scene. He squints to see if he can see Addison and, he does, she's lying there, in the street a few yards from the car still and lifeless. He runs over to where she is and kneels down next to her. She looks bad, really bad. Her hair is Red, redder than normal. He puts his hands in her hair and immediately feels blood. There are cuts and bruises all over her._

_He leans down to check for a pulse or heartbeat, there's one, but its barely there. He looks her over further and he notices the blood coming from underneath her dress-something's wrong with the baby. _

_An ambulance arrives some 10 minutes later. The paramedics are trying to assess him but, he's more concerned about Addison._

"_I'm fine! No, you don't understand, my fianc-my girlfriend, she's pregnant with our son! She's 7 months pregnant and she was bleeding and…you have to save them, you have to save them both" he whispers._

_When they get to St. Ambrose, Charlotte, Pete, Naomi, Jake, and Amelia are all waiting at the entrance._

"_What the hell happened Sam!" Amelia shouts at him, grabbing him by the collar_

"_A car came out of nowhere and hit us, on Addie's side of the car" he whispered._

_Derek has to be called to come in and do surgery because there's a bit of neuro damage. Arizona's called in because she's the best in pediatrics to help the baby; Alex Karev comes along with her. Mark is also called, to be with Ella; Callie and Bailey come along for moral support. Archer, and The Captain, along with Weiss and Savvy are called as well. All they can do is wait until she wakes up. _

_Ten days later, her eyelids flutter slightly, but when she wakes up and realizes what happened, she wishes she'd never woken up at all._

The dream causes her to wake up in a cold sweat. It's all to much for her to handle. She can remember everything. From the moment the stick turned blue, to SJ's last breath. She wishes she didn't have to remember, because the memories are a stinging, painful reminder of what was, and what could have been.


	9. 8 The Stinging Truth

Chapter 8: The Stinging Truth

After the dream she had last night, Addison wants answers. She has the day off from St. Ambrose so she drives over to the practice where she's met by Naomi.

"Addison!" Naomi's voice is filled with lots of surprise

"Nae, have you seen Sam?" she asks

"Uh no, I haven't seen him but, we should talk Addie" Naomi tells her leading the redhead towards her office.

"Okay, what's up" Addison asks as Naomi motions for her to sit down.

"I need you Addison. _We_ need you" Naomi states

"O-kay…need me for what Nae?"

"The practice needs you Addison. It's not the same without you here. The money, the clientele, it's…we're sinking, and fast Addison"

"What about Jake?"

"Jake Reilly is good, but he's no double board certified neonatal surgeon with specialties in genetics and maternal-fetal medicine. We need you Addison" Naomi tells her, her voice dripping with desperation

"I can't" Addison says

"You can't? I'm sure Charlotte could let you-"

"It's not about Charlotte Nae"

"Oh. This is about"

Addison cuts her off with a nod before she can even speak his name

"But you two seem to be okay I mean Ella visits him once a week so I thought-"

"We'll never be okay Naomi. Our son died and he barely acknowledges his existence, short as it was"

"Addie"

"No! Don't try and defend him, Nae. He didn't want me, he didn't want our son"

Naomi gets up from her seat and walks over to her best friend, wrapping an arm around her.

"The night of the accident, when they brought you in, Sam kept telling them 'you have to save them both, you have to save them both'. When, SJ died, Sam, he didn't cry in front of you but, when Arizona gave him the prognosis, he sat with SJ, held his hand and talked to him. When that little boy died Addison, a part of Sam died too"

This statement makes the redhead scoff, but Naomi continues.

"He was going to ask you to marry him, the night of the accident" she says softly, making Addison stare at her

"No he wasn't" she doesn't want to believe it because well, she'll have spent the last year of her life hating Sam and, that's the last thing she wanted to be doing.

"He was, he had a ring and-"

"Stop it! Stop it Naomi! I don't wanna think about Sam and proposing and…"

"Addison?" Naomi probes when her best friend has tears falling from her eyes

"I had a dream last night, about SJ and Sam and the accident and, what was supposed to be"

"Oh Addie"

"It was amazing. SJ was so…everything was perfect Nae and then, I dreamed about the accident and…I need…I need answers. Was he really going to propose to me?" she asks

"You should, you should talk to Sam Addison" Naomi says to her best friend.

* * *

With a march of determination, she walks to Sam's office, her 6 inch Black Prada heels clicking almost angrily on the hardwood floors of the practice.

She knocks before opening the door, startling Sam out of his paperwork.

"Addison" he's completely surprised to see her, especially after yesterday and well, it's Tuesday; he's not due to see Ella again until Friday, three days from now.

"Naomi wants me to take a job at the practice" she tells him

"Oh well that's-"

"But I can't"

"You can't" he repeats slowly, having no clue why she's even in his office talking to him seeing as they don't really speak much these days

"No"

"O-kay, _why_ can't you take the job?" he asks

"You. I can't take the job because of you" she informs him

"Oh. Wait, why can't you take the job because of me?"

She blinks rapidly as her heat begins to beat faster at the thought of his question. A huge part of her still loves him, even though she thinks he didn't really want their son. But seeing him there at SJ's grave yesterday and hearing him talk about how things would have been and hearing what Naomi said. She doesn't even realize the question's tumbled out of her mouth when she asks,

"Why, why were you there yesterday?"

He's silent at her question.

"I said, why were you there yesterday?" her tone is sharp, full of anger and suppressed rage

"Addison I-"

"No, don't give me some bullshit answer Sam I need…I need to know why. What gives you the right to show up there after all this time! Saying all of those things and putting pictures in my head of what should be and…" at this point she's pacing the length of his office. So she did hear what he'd said yesterday, he's surprised at this.

"…Why were you there?" she asks, suddenly stopping in front of him. For the first time since all of this mess has happened, he sees her pain. She's still just as beautiful but, what seems like a lifetime of sorrow has been seemingly etched into her face. Her voice is raw and ripped with an agonizing sense of emotion. She needs to know.

"What I said to him yesterday, it wasn't a lie Addison. It's what should've been happening" he admits

"Were, were…Naomi said you had a ring and, you were gonna…ask me to marry you" her voice still full of pain, but barely above a whisper.

"Whether I was or wasn't, was none of Naomi's to share" he says retreating back to his desk, that is until her knees give way and she's fallen onto the floor in a heap of sobs, causing him to rush to her side, his strong arms encased around her.

"Addison I-"but she stops him, a finger pressed to his lips as she speaks

"I need to know Sam. I have been wrestling with this, this thing, why this happened for a year now and…I've hated you for longer than that. Since the minute you walked away from me on the deck when I told you I was pregnant I have hated you! I…I don't have any hate left to give Sam…I need to know, did you plan on proposing to me that night?" her eyes, now a deep forest green seem to be piercing into his soul, desperate to know the truth. He blinks successively, to keep his the tears that are stinging his eyes at bay as he stands, walks over to his desk, reaching into a drawer before coming back and sitting down next to Addison on the floor, placing a small black box into her lap.

"Sam-"

"Just, just open it" he commands, turning away so he won't see her reaction, though he can still hear the small gasp-like whimper that escapes her lips. Soon, her hands are on his shoulders, turning him to face her.

"You were" she murmurs, her eyes shifting between the ring and Sam's face "you were gonna ask me to marry you" she says softly, hot tears now blurring her vision

"You wanted to know so, now you do" he mutters before standing, snatching the box away from her, tossing it back into his desk.

"Now you know, so, you can take the job" he says, remaining at his desk while Addison still sits on the floor, her eyes transfixed.

"Addison?" he questions softly but she doesn't respond.

"Addie?" there's still no response. Out of habit, he calls her

"Babe" and that small word, causes an avalanche of tears to cascade down her porcelain cheeks

"Oh God Sam I'm so sorry! I was such a bitch to you that night and all you wanted to do was say you were sorry to me" she blubbers. He doesn't know where to begin to explain all of the things he wanted to do that night so instead he opts for silence as he sinks down onto the floor next to her, Addison immediately curling into his arms, or rather into his lap. He doesn't reprimand her, simply holds her close watching her fiercely grip the front of shirt while she cries. He's completely dumbfounded by all that's happened in the past 15 minutes or so. He looks up when he sees that the rest of his and Addison's former colleagues have gathered round his door. He stands up albeit briefly to close the blinds and lock the door before immediately going back to Addison's side.

"You okay Addison?" he asks lifting her chin up to face him.

"If, if you were going to ask me then, why'd you-"

"Act like such an asshole?" he says finishing her question

"Yeah" she whispers

It's the moment of truth for him. He has her exactly where he wanted her to be a year ago. He's finally able to tell her the same things he wanted to then but, he simply removes her from his lap, turning away from her dejectedly before responding bitterly

"Go away Addison"

"Sam I-"

"I SAID GO AWAY ADDISON!" the tone of his voice makes her jump, but she doesn't leave because she knows that he has more to say. "I have been so…this was hard for me too! To lose my child, my, my _son_! You don't think I loved him, I know because I was such an _ass_ to you but, I did, I _loved_ him Addison, just as much as you did, as much as you do! I _wanted_ him Addie I did but…Maya had gotten pregnant at _16_, got married and was almost killed. I had jumped head first into a relationship with you, my ex wife's best friend who I had all of a sudden fallen in love with and then you got pregnant. It all happened so fast Addison, faster than I wanted, than I imagined it would. So I shut down completely. I was afraid Addison! Of hurting him, and hurting you and Ella and…it was scary, starting over, making this new life with you and him and Ella and…to have another person I could potentially screw up and, the fear of what happened between Naomi and I happening between you and I…it was unimaginable Addison so, I didn't imagine it. When I did start to imagine it, I had pushed you completely away and so I had planned to spend the rest of my life making it up to you but then…some drunk asshole came out of nowhere and took that chance from me! He took my son from me and he took you away from me and…" before he knows it, Sam is in tears, real tears, wrapping his arms around Addison as they both cried together for their foolish mistakes and what was lost.

"I'm so sorry Sam" Addison whimpers as she holds him close "I am so, so sorry"

"No, I'm sorry Addison, I should've told you how I felt long before this, maybe we'd have had a chance to have the life I talked about" he tells her. There's a long silence as they stare into one another's eyes for what feels like an eternity.

"I still love you" she admits quietly

"I've never stopped loving you" Sam replies, his voice just as soft, pushing her hair away from her face.

* * *

She straddles his lap as he scoots to support his back against the couch, his hands falling to her hips as she leans in and kisses him, her hands cupping both sides of his face as he brings his hands into her rich red tresses. Their tongues slip into one another's mouths as they suck and bite on each others lips, the only sound that can be heard is the smacking of their lips and their now labored breathing. Sam's hands move from her hair to her button down Michael Khors blouse, slowly unbuttoning it. As she does the same with his Armani dress shirt, snatching off his tie.

He sits up a bit straighter, causing her to lean back as his lips come in contact with her now exposed collarbone and bra clad breasts. Once his lips touch her soft white skin, he realizes that she still smells the same, like a lush lavender mixed with a tropical fruit. When he begins to suck on those spots he remembers she likes, her flesh still tastes the same as well. Once she feels his lips fuse with her skin, she inhales sharply as old familiar feelings rush back, causing her hands to graze over his toned abs before she too begins to familiarize herself with Sam's body, which still smells like chocolate almonds and coconut .

They taste and tease each other endlessly before they each shed another layer of clothing(for her it's the navy blue Victoria's Secret bra and him, his dark colored Armani slacks). He pushes her back onto the floor, taking her legs and bringing them around his back as he hovers over her, taking her breasts into his mouth one at a time, causing her to moan softly. He trails his way down her body, stopping at her Marc Jacobs skirt, slowly unzipping the side zipper and pulling it down her endless sea of legs, leaving Addison in only her navy blue panties.

She leans up and kisses him, before pulling off his black tank top and pulling him down on top of her, her hands gripping his back as Sam's fingers skillfully find their way into the waistband of her panties where he teasingly circles at her clit for a while before slipping a few fingers inside of her aching core, causing her to gasp. He continues kissing her, pulling away to see her face contort in pleasure, her eyes screwing shut while she thrashes her head around as she whispers for more. He doesn't stop until she's moaning his name as her walls clench around his 3 long skillful fingers, his thumb still slowly swirling around her clit, causing her body to jump involuntarily as her hands leaving hard prints in his shoulders.

Her thighs are still shaking from the intensity of the orgasm she's just had but Sam doesn't stop. He's trailing kisses down her thighs before pressing a kiss to her center, sliding his tongue across her slick folds skillfully. He slowly thrusts and slides his tongue inside of her, seeming to be lapping up her insides like a thirsty dog laps up water. She's begging him not to stop until she's peaking on her second orgasm, which seems to be more intense than the first.

Once regaining her composure, she sits up, pushing Sam back against the couch in total confusion.

"Addison, what are you-"

"Shhh" she tells him, leaning up to place a finger to his lips before trailing kisses down his chest before reaching her desired designation. Pulling his boxers down his legs and tossing them across the room, she spreads his legs, allowing herself room to sit between them, she places her hands on his thighs before lowing her mouth onto his dick, looking up when she sees his head lean back and his eyes close and his mouth gape open. She moves up and down on him, licking and sucking, moaning when she feels his hands move into her hair.

Dragging her tongue up and down his shaft, she hums as she deep throats him, making him grip her hair and groan her name. She doesn't stop until he's cumming in her mouth, with a moan of her name. She slowly removes him from her mouth, taking her time to kiss every bit of his length before sitting up and smiling at him, reaching out to cup his face. He pulls her onto his lap, placing open mouth kisses onto her neck as she teasingly grinds her hips against his, making his want need to be inside of her grow increasingly.

Soon, he's picking her up and they're on the couch and he's slowly sliding himself into her as an all too familiar feeling rushes over him. They both gasp at the contact. Slowly they fuse their hips together in a rocking manner before he picks up the pace, wrapping her legs around him. Her hands pull his body closer to him as he thrusts into her faster, harder-all the ways he knows she likes. Their lips are fused together as she lifts her hips to match his movements which are insanely fast at this point with both of them so close to their finish. He takes her hands in his, pinning them to her head with one hand while his other hand moves between them, teasing at her clit. The added clit stimulation makes her legs tighten around his back, pushing him deeper into him, a feeling that drives them both crazy. They're so lost and caught up in the moment as well as each others moans that when they climax together, they both orbit into a world of explosiveness, the only thing registering are the moans and screams of each other's names.

Their bodies are drenched in sweat. They're pretty sure their friends as well as the patients in the office have just heard what's happened between them but, none of that matters right now, all that matters is them, being here with each other. After coming down from their highs(which takes a collective total of 20 minutes), he slides out of her, turning to his side and pulling her closer to him, resting his hands on the small of her back, running his hands through her hair every now and then. Nothing is really said after that, they just lie there, content with being in one another's arms once again, too afraid of the big question that looms in the air:

_What happens now?_


	10. 9 Is This What The Future Holds?

Chapter 9: Is This What The Future Holds?

Friday comes around and, it's a bit awkward for Sam and Addison, especially after what happened on Tuesday. After dinner, things are different. Tonight, Ella doesn't have homework (The school year is at its end, so homework is virtually nonexistent at this point)and Amelia has a late surgery so, it's just Sam, Addison and Ella together. Ella as usual, falls asleep on the couch, leaving Sam and Addison up alone.

"Sam, we should talk, about the other day" Addison suggests quietly, her hands running through Ella's soft hair

"We should" Sam agrees

There's a killer silence between them before Sam speaks

"You two should stay here tonight"

"What?"

"You should. It's late and…"

"Sam, she has school in the morning and-"

"Her school's 5 minutes away from my house versus the 15 minute drive, without traffic from your house"

She sighs heavily, "We shouldn't"

"Why not?"

"Because, I don't know exactly what we are right now" Addison tells him, biting down on her bottom lip which causes Sam to sigh heavily

"I thought after the other day we were…"

"Back together? Tell me you didn't think we were back together after a little sex" she scoffs

"So, is that what it was to you, _a little sex?_" Sam asks

"No, No, No! Sam, that's not how I meant it"

"Then how the hell did you mean it?"

"Sam, the other day was…it was, we were us again, before everything went crazy. But…"

"But…" he prompts her

"We're different people now than we were back then. I hurt you, you hurt me…it's going to take more than some amazing sex for us to get back together" Addison tells him sadly

"Well then, what's it gonna take?" Sam asks

"I-I don't know but, it's going to take a while before you can just waltz back into my heart Sam"

"Oh come on Addison! You're not exactly innocent here. You slept with Mark"

"You don't get it Sam! I didn't…me being with Mark was…"

"What was it?" he probes

"That was me being in pain over losing my son. I was hurting and I couldn't come to you and tell you how I was hurting. I couldn't talk to you because I was angry at you and…I wanted you to hurt like I was hurting. Mark, I wanted to feel something, anything other than the empty…numbness I was feeling. It was just sex Sam"

"You could've talked to me"

"No, not then I couldn't have because I felt like…I felt like a part of you was happy he'd died" she says, her voice trembling a bit.

"But I wasn't" Sam says wrapping an arm around her

"I know that now" she murmurs into his shirt.

Addison and Ella end up staying the night that night.

* * *

_Several Weeks later_

She's happy. Happier than she has been in a long time. As she looks around her old office at Seaside Wellness, she sighs contently. It feels good to be back. She grins when she feels Sam's strong arms around her, his lips pressing against her neck.

"Sam" she giggles, her eyes closing as he squeezes her waist

"Sam, what are you doing?" she whispers

"Welcoming you back to the practice" he mutters against her skin

"Sam, people can see us you know" she says turning in his arms

"Addison, it's not like people don't remember us, in my office a couple of weeks ago" he teases

"That was different, we weren't exactly dating back then" she tells him.

"Oh, so that was what, exactly"

"Us, having sex in your office" she plainly states, making him roll his eyes

"So, we're dating now but, I can't welcome my girlfriend back to work because 'people' will see?" he asks pulling away and staring into Addison's eyes

"No, it's not like that. No one knows we're back together" she reminds him as he sighs heavily

"Well, I can at least still welcome you back into the practice" he smiles

"Yes, you can" she replies, wrapping her arms around his neck before he pulls them away

"Woah, woah, woah, what do you think you're doing?" Sam asks

"I'm about to get a welcome back into the practice kiss from my boyfriend" Addison tells him

"Nope! People can see us, remember?" he teases with her before he walks out of office

"Hey! That's no fair! Sam!" she shouts from the door

"Nope! Goodbye Addison!" Sam taunts from the doorway

"Sam!" she laughs

_Later that night_

"Oh God that was…that was spectacular" Addison giggles as she rests her head against Sam's chest, placing a few kisses there every now and then

"Mmhmm" Sam mumbles, his eyes are closed and his breathing has began to even out

"Aww, my guy's all worn out" Addison teases

"Hey, it was you who wore me out. Like you can't get enough of me" he says,leaning down and looking at her

"Mmmm, that's because I can't get enough of you" she teases, trailing her hands up and down his chest

"Addison…I can't take any more sex babe, I've got an early surgery tomorrow" Sam groans

"Aww, and here I was about to offer you an amazing blow job but…since you're too tired…" she says moving to her side of the bed

"Hey, hey, hey, I never said I was too tired for that" Sam tells her, pulling her back towards him, causing her to laugh

"Oh but you did, you said 'I can't take anymore sex babe, I've got an early surgery tomorrow'" she mocks

"I said sex, not you doing that amzing thing you do with your mouth" he tells her

"That, is a form of sex besides, I should go" she says sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of the bed

"No, No, No, don't go!" Sam protests, pulling at her arm

"Sam I have to. You know what we agreed to" she reminds him

"That you wouldn't spend the night while Ella was here and, Ella, is in Seattle with Mark for a month, which means…you, can stay here, with me, in bed, at my house, for a month" he tells her pulling her back into bed with him, making her shriek with laughter

"Sam!" she laughs

"Addie" he mocks

"Baby,I can't!" she whines

"Baby, why not?" Sam teases

"Because…"she says softly, climbing on top of him, resting her head in his chest

"Mmmm, why not?"

"If I stay, I won't ever wanna leave"

"Meaning?"

"If I stay, I'll want my stay to be…permenant"

"You mean like us moving back in together?" He asks

"Yeah, like us moving back in together"

"What's so bad about that?" Sam asks, his tone getting serious

"Nothing's bad about it Sam but, if we move back in together then, I'll start…I'll want things" she says, sitting up looking at him

"Things like, what?"

"Just, things"

"Like…"

"Things, I don't know if I'm, that _we'd_ be ready for"

"O-kay, things like…"

"Sam, let's just, let's just drop it, okay?" she says climbing off of him and rolling away from him

"Hey, hey, hey, Addison, what is it?" he asks, scooting closer to her, close enough to hear her sniffling

"Babe, what's wrong?"

"I…I…I want" she's crying harder now, making Sam turn her over to face him

"Hey, shhh, you want what baby?" he asks, lifting her chin to look at him

"I want everything! I want us to be together, to live together, to get married and, and, and…"

"And what? Addison, you're not making any sense to me right now"

"I WANT ANOTHER BABY!" she sobs

Sam is quiet when she says this. He still feels the pain of losing SJ. It's been a little over a year since it happened but, it still hurts.

"You want another baby?" Sam asks softly, causing her to look up at him and blush slightly and pull away

"Hey, don't pull away from me Addison"

"Sam let go!" she says still trying to get away, but his arms are encased around her

"Sam, just forget I mentioned it" she mumbles

"You saying you want to have another baby isn't exactly something I can just…forget about Addison"

"Do, do you not want another baby Sam?"

He sighs heavily before answering her "I want, I want to Addison but…I don't know if, if I'm ready"

"I don't…I _want _to have another baby but, I…I don't know if I can, have any more babies" she mumbles quietly, scooting closer to Sam, his arms coming around her back

"So, what do you wanna do?" he asks

"I…I don't know, I mean I could go see Jake or Naomi but…"

"Then we'll do that, we'll go see one of them"

"Sam, you don't have to-"

"Shhh. I love you Addison and I want nothing more than to be your husband and the only man who can give you babies" he tells her, making her laugh a bit

"There's that beautiful smile I love" he says planting a kiss on her lips

"I love you, so much Sam" she tells him honestly

"And I love you too babe"

* * *

_A few days later_

"Addison! Addison! Wait a minute Addie!" Sam calls out to her. They've just left seeing both Jake _and_ Naomi about the possibility of them trying to have another baby and, well, it didn't go well.

"Addison, slow down!" Sam says finally catching up to her

"I CAN'T HAVE ANY MORE BABIES SAM, HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL?" She shouts, continually pressing the button for the elevator

"Addison, Addison, they said-"

"DON'T REPEAT WHAT THEY SAID!" she snaps

"Hey, Hey, Hey, Addison, Addison look at me" Sam says gently wrapping his arms around her

"I don't want your sympathy Sam! I just…I just want to have another baby"she cries

"Hey, Hey, Hey we will Addie, we will. But, you shouldn't want a baby just to ease the pain of losing SJ Addison"

"I need…I need something to fill that, that void. I feel like a part of me is missing Sam, every single day. I…I want another baby, I want Ella to have someone to play with, a brother, a sister. She shouldn't be an only child. I want, I want to give you a child, something that's just ours Sam" she cries even harder.

"Then we'll adopt" he tells her

"You, you mean that?" she sniffles

"I mean that" he says holding her in his arms


	11. 10 And Justice For All

Chapter 10: …And Justice For All

**a/n: Sorry for the delay! we're nearing the end of this fic you guys! There are only like 3 more chapters to go! **

* * *

_Several weeks later._

After being told by both Jake and Naomi that her chances of conceiving naturally again were nearly impossible, Addison and Sam decide to look into adoption. It's been good so far. Their worker likes them, she does but, she tells them

"You do know that the chances of a non married couple being able to successfully adopt are less likely than that of a couple who is married, right?"

"So you're saying that if we want a sure shot at adopting then, we should get married?" Addison asks, leaning forward in her chair, glancing over at Sam's expression

"…That's, not exactly what I'm suggesting, I'm just, stating facts, based on studies and statistics, that's all" the social worker explains

Addison looks over at Sam, completely confused

"I don't understand" she says, furrowing her brows

"She's saying that although she cannot tell us to go get married, she's telling us that being married increases the chances of the likelihood we'll be able to adopt a baby" Sam says looking at the social worker who nods in agreement

"That's exactly what I'm saying Dr. Bennett"

"Oh, well, thank you for telling us that" Addison says standing as they shake their worker's hand and exit her office.

The ride home is quiet.

"Addison?" Sam asks, noticing that she's been staring out the window the entire time, her thoughts pensive.

"Huh, what is it?" she says startled out of her trance

"What are you thinking about?" He asks

"I was just thinking about, what the social worker said"

"About us getting married?"

"Yeah, I mean, we don't have to Sam, if you don't want to"

"No, No I wanna marry you Addison I do"

"You do?" her voice sounds surprised

"That was always apart of my plan, to marry you, that is, If you still wanna get married" he says

"No Sam I do! I do wanna marry you I just, thought that, you know…"

"With everything that happened I wouldn't want to marry you"

"Well, yeah"

Sam sighs as they pull into the garage just as Addison's cell phone rings.

"This is Dr. Montgomery…Hi…uh huh…yes…Mmhm…r-really?" her voice is starting to break and tears are falling

"Addie what's-" she holds up a hand to silence him

"Uh huh…o-okay…t-thank you….Mmhm…well, th-thank you for calling…have, have a great day…you too…bye" Once she hangs up, Addison jumps out of the car, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

"Addison? Addie?"

He looks all over for her but can't find her, until he walks down the hallway and hears sobbing coming from behind one of the doors. He opens it and his heart breaks: he's standing in SJ's nursery. Its been over a year and a half since the accident. He didn't even know she still kept the room the same. He looks around at the soft mint green walls, complemented with white and cream colored accents.

On the walls, there are all sorts of jungle animals. The curtains are cream colored with cute baby animal designs. In the corner, there's the mahogany crib draped with a custom made bedding. there were all sorts of stuffed animals lining the crib. Over the wall in cream colored letters were his initials: SJMB. He looks over in the opposite corner, near the large bay window sits a matching mahogany changing table and armoire. The room nearly takes his breath away. It reminds him of his son so much. Through his tears he sees Addison sitting in a rocking chair crying, holding what looks like a small baby blanket.

"Addison?"

She looks up at him and sniffles

"Do, do you remember this?" she asks softly, holding up the blanket. It looks vaguely familiar but he can't exactly place the memory

"It looks familiar"

"Its from the funeral, remember?" she says softly, and then it all comes rushing back to him. The blanket was in SJ casket. When they went for the private viewing, it was in his tiny casket. He remembers because when they saw him, Addison completely lost it and so did he. Sam nods and walks over to her and gently takes the blanket from her.

"He was wrapped in this at the hospital" he says quietly

"He was?"

"Yeah. I remember you had this made for him and wanted him to have it when he was born so, I brought it to the hospital" he says quietly holding the blanket close to his face. He can faintly smell his son's scent on it and he gets choked up.

"Sam?"

He has to turn away from her so that she doesn't see him crying. But, she's Addison and, she knows these things. She stands and moves behind him and holds him. They're both quiet as they stare at the baby blanket for a while, until he's strong enough to speak again.

"I didn't know you still kept the room like this"

"Yeah I did. When I moved, this was the only room I couldn't go in. I guess Amelia never had the heart to change it" she says quietly before turning in his arms, burying her head in his chest and sobbing even harder.

"I just, I miss him so much Sam"

"I know Addie I know" he says holding her. He doesn't know what happened but, she seemed fine before that phone call

"Addie, what's wrong? Is everything okay? Because after that phone call…who was that on the phone?"

"It was the DA" she sniffles

"The District Attorney?" he asks

"Y-yeah. She, she said that, they, they wanna press charges against….against the man who, who killed…SJ" and with those words she falls apart, forcing Sam to gently lower them to the ground while he hold her.

"They do?"

"Yeah. She said they would've charged him sooner but, he's been recovering all this time and, he's well, now and…they wanna charge him. DUI, reckless endangerment and…vehicular manslaughter" she whispers

Sam doesn't know how to take this news. He's angry because it takes him back to the night of Maya's accident and how he almost lost her and Olivia because of a drunk driver. Now, he was reliving it all over again but instead, Addison had lived and SJ had died.

"Sam? Sam, talk to me" Addison says softly looking up at him.

He doesn't wanna talk right now. He's so full of anger and hatred and…he abruptly stands and walks away.

"Sam! Sam! Where are you going?" she asks but gets no response.

"Sam! Sam, Sam wait!" she calls out as she follows him down the stairs

"Sam-" she says trying to reach out to her but is shocked when he turns yells at her

"DON'T TOUCH ME ADDISON!"

He walks out of the house without another word.

* * *

When comes back several hours later, he finds Addison in the living room, crying on Naomi's lap.

"If you could've seen the look on his face when I told him Nae-" she says looking up at him when he makes his presence known

"You've got a lot of nerve Sam Bennett, walking out on her when she needs you most" Naomi starts

"Ugh Naomi please don't start" Sam says shaking his head

"She is my friend Sam! My best friend! So of course when she calls me saying her boyfriend, who just so happens to be my ex husband, ran out on her during a very difficult situation-"

"With all due respect Naomi, this situation has nothing to do with you so you need to leave"

"Excuse me?"

"You need to leave. I appreciate you coming to check on Addie but, I'm here now and I'd like to talk to Addison, alone"

Naomi rolls her eyes at him before looking at Addison, who gives her a nod

"I'll call you later" she says softly as Naomi comes around to the couch to give her a big hug

"I'm here if you need me, okay? I'll check on you soon" she says sweetly before heading out, but not without giving Sam a warning

"She's just starting to be okay Sam, don't, don't break her and make her un happy so she runs again"

"I won't Naomi" he says before closing the door behind her and heading over to the couch where Addison is sitting.

* * *

He takes a seat next to her, holding her hand as she stares out the large picture window at the ocean.

"He'd be running around here" she says, a faint smile on her face

"Yeah"

"He'd be waiting for you to come home. He'd run up to you, wanting you to pick him up and hold him"

"And I would. I'd pick him up and carry him into the kitchen where you and Ella would be trying to make dinner" he says, the same faint smile now etching across his face

"Yeah, we'd turn to you and smile. I'd take him from you and let you finish cooking" she laughs

"Because you're spoiled" Sam teases

"Well you did it! I'd help Ella with her homework while she got distracted by SJ, who'd probably be trying to get into everything"

Now it's Sam's turn to laugh "Yeah, he would've been an energetic kid. I can see us running around or chasing him"

"We'd be exhausted because he'd be such a handful. You'd finish dinner which would be amazing and we'd all sit and watch movies or something"

"Until they fell asleep. We'd carry them upstairs; you'd have SJ in your arms, I'd have Ella in mine. We'd make sure Ella was tucked in and then put SJ to bed then maybe head out onto the deck for a glass of wine"

"Yeah, then we'd end up going upstairs and making love"

"I'd be trying to get you to keep it down so we don't wake the kids" Sam laughs

"Our lives would be perfect. Maybe we'd be married or, close to married" Addison says resting her head on Sam's shoulder

"We'd be married. We would've got up one morning, went down to the court house, took Amelia and Sheldon as witnesses and just, got married"

"Ella'd be there too because she'd want the chance to stay out of school…do you think we would've done it before or after SJ was born?"

"Probably before, that's what I always imagine. You'd still be pregnant with him" Sam tells her, moving his hands to run through her hair.

"Sam, are you, are you gonna be okay?" she asks softly, looking up at him

"It's hard Addison, to think about…it's déjà vu all over again for me Addie. It makes me think about Maya and her accident. Of how Naomi and I had to sit there and listen at those lawyers go on and on and how you all had to testify about what happened and all of the medical procedures and, having Maya up on that stand talking about how scared she was and seeing Naomi cry and…it's hard Addison" he tells her

"I'm scared Sam. Maybe, maybe we should tell them we don't wanna press char-"

"No, I want him charged for that. I want him to suffer for what he's put us through. For, for tak-for taking our son…" He can't talk about it anymore because it hurts to think about it. Addison understands this and leans over to kiss him.

It's a soft, sweet, reassuring kiss. Sam pulls her back once she pulls away, his tongue sliding across her lips until she opens her mouth and lets his tongue in. He pulls her closer to him, like she's his oxygen. She keeps kissing him, moving so that she's in his lap, legs straddling either side of him. His hands move up her back to her hair as he keeps kissing her, pulling back long enough to tell her,

"You're so beautiful" to which she softly replies

"I love you" before leaning back in to kiss him.

His hands move underneath her shirt to touch her soft skin, making her moan. He pulls her closer to him, her chest pressed against his as her hands cup his face. She closes her eyes while they kiss, savoring each moment as their breaths intertwine and it soon becomes hard to tell where one's breathing begins and the other one hands are still touching, caressing her soft warm skin, but it's no longer enough. He wants skin to skin contact because now her hands are pressing into his abs and it's driving him crazy. He pulls away from her to slowly remove her shirt, as she does the same thing with his shirt before they're skin on skin again. Their breathing, still in sync, quickens as Addison moves her hips around in Sam's lap, making him moan before moving his hands to unhook her bra, causing it to fall off of her shoulders, allowing him easier access to caress her breasts. She teases at his muscles, trailing her hands just above his pubic bone before daringly snaking her hand into his pants. He moves his hands down her body to grab her ass, making her moan lightly. She suddenly stands up and removes her pants and panties, standing before him gloriously naked, biting her bottom lip. He reaches out and pulls her back down onto him, her legs on either side of him as his hands roam her body.

She reaches between them and undoes his belt buckle as he lifts up long enough to pull his pants down and kick them off before settling back onto the couch and kissing her. His arousal is evident and she moves her hips along his length, making him grip her hair tighter. He sits up but, she pushes him back down onto the couch moving so that she slowly sinks down onto him, letting out a long sigh of satisfaction, sitting there a few moments before she starts moving her hips. He slowly guides her hips to his with every thrust as she sucks in a deep breath. Her eyes are closed, her head falls back, her hair flowing down her shoulders as she quickens the pace. His hands grip her hips, pulling her down onto him, making her moans become even louder. His hips soon mach her movements and the pounding of hips is evident, aside from her breathy moans and whispers of his name. She leans back a little, her hands resting on his thighs as she moves faster, her breasts bouncing slightly as her moans become lighter and lighter, Sam's hands steadily gripping her hips slamming her down onto him. He pulls her closer to him and kisses her.

Her hands move to his shoulders, her forearms around his neck, her head still titled back. His hands her now on her ass as he thrusts upward into her, making her moan even more, louder. He pushes her back a bit, her back near his thighs as he thrusts into her relentlessly, her moans now pleas of "oh god don't stop!". He flips them over so that she's sitting on the couch and he's on top of her, his movement steady. Her long legs wrap around his torso, his knees pressing into the couch as he moves in and out of her as she moans his name over and over and over again. She cums with a scream of his name soon after as he shoots his thick load into her with a loud grunt before falling on top of her, their chests rising and falling rapidly before meshing their lips together, only speaking to let each other know how much they love the other.


	12. 11 Trial and Error

**Chapter 11: Trial and Error**

**a/n: sorry for staying away for so long you guys! This chapter was the longest and hardest chapter to write because of how I wanted it to go plus I had to do some research! Let me just say: I am NOT satisfied with this chapter. I'm not a fan of it well, certain parts of it mainly because finding information was VERY hard. But, I owe you guys a new update so any who, please enjoy!**

**Reviews are love(:**

* * *

Their first meeting with the district attorney happens several days later and they're both nervous. Sam is more angry than nervous, but he can sense Addison's fear as they ride up the elevator. He gently squeezes her hand to give her reassurance that everything will be okay. She looks over at him and gives a silent thank you as they step off onto the 12th floor. The District Attorney, Sarita Santos, is very polite as she speaks with them.

"Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Bennett, first of all let me apologize for the suddenness of this. I know its been over a year since this happened and I know how difficult this must be and-"

"No, you don't know how difficult this is for us" Sam tells her

"Sam…"Addison sighs

"No Addison. We're just starting to put our lives back together after everything that's happened…why wasn't he charged sooner? It doesn't take a year to recover from injuries" he says

"Dr. Bennett, I understand that this is a lot to handle, but Mr. Portman has spent the last year recovering from his injuries _and_ he's been in a rehabilitation facility" Sarita explains

"So he's been in rehab, getting sober" Addison says

"Yes. He was just released a couple of days ago and was formally charged on 1 count of Driving Under the Influence, one count of reckless endangerment, and 1 count of vehicular manslaughter which will mostly likely turn into second degree murder in the death of your son"

"Wait, is that even possible? For him to be charged with SJ's death?" Addison wants to know

"It's possible but there's a catch. Mr. Portman's defense lawyers are arguing that…your son wasn't covered under California laws as a person because he was still, inside the womb at the time of the accident" the DA tells them.

The room becomes utterly quiet. Sam looks over at Addison who is visibly upset by the accusation.

"Addie-"

"He was alive," Addison whispers through her tears "For 10 days my son was alive. For 10 days he was a living, breathing person. I held him, in my arms. I held him for over an hour until he stopped breathing. I can assure you Ms. Santos, my son was alive"

"Let me assure you, I will bring you two justice for your son's death" she tells Sam and Addison.

"Do we even have a birth certificate Sam?" Addison asks on their way back home

"We have one. I put it in…" Sam stops himself from speaking

"You put it in what honey?"

"I, I made a book Addison"

"A book? A book of what Sam?"

"A scrapbook"

"Sam, you're not making any sense here"

"I made a Scrapbook of SJ" he says softly

"You did?"

"Yeah. I remember you buying a baby book and, I put the book together. Its got pictures of him and-"

"You, you took pictures of him?" she asks

"Yeah, I…I was gonna show them to you once…"

"Once what Sam?"

"Once you woke up and he, got better"

She's quiet the rest of the way home.

...

"Addison, will you at least talk to me" Sam says once their inside.

"I wanna see the book Sam"

Sam sighs heavily, "Addie, are you sure-"

"I wanna see it, Sam I want…I want to see my son" she says quietly

Sam heads upstairs and retrieves the small book and hands it to her. She walks over to the couch and sits down, her fingers gently touching the book. She loved this book from the minute she saw it in the store. It's a small booklet, decorated in deep chocolate browns and soft pale blues, intricate little pieces of boy things arranged on the cover. She opened it to the first page, which showed her very first ultra sound picture which was labeled:

_SJ Montgomery-Bennett- 6 weeks old. _

As she looked through the booklet, there were all sorts of pictures-pictures she didn't know about. There were things about her pregnancy, what she craved, what made her sick. All sorts of things _she_ didn't write down. There were more ultrasound pictures of SJ, that included one that was labeled _"I'm a boy(daddy was right!)"._ The more she looked at the album, tears welled up in her eyes. Then, there were the horrifying yet beautiful pictures of SJ after he was born. The first picture was taken of him after he was born, just before he was rushed into the was labeled:

_May 15, 2010 10:02 p.m.-Samuel Michael Forbes Montgomery-Bennett was born(1lb. 8 oz)._

There were pictures labeled for every day he was alive. Day 10 was labeled:

_May 25, 2010-On my very last day I got a special surprise: I got to meet my mommy. _There was a picture of Addison, holding SJ in her arms, a picture she didn't even remember.

"You, you made this?" she asks through tears

"Yeah, I did"

"Where'd, who gave you all of this information"

"I may not have been active but, I do remember things about your pregnancy Addison" Sam tells her

"Is it wrong that I kind of hate you right now?"

Sam laughs a little, "No, it's not"

"I don't know if I can do this Sam. Looking at these pictures of him, it's so hard" She manages through soft sobs

"I know it's gonna be hard but, _we _can do this Addison. We can do this" he tells her as they look through the album together quietly.

* * *

The next day she gently knocks on the door to Charlotte's office at the hospital.

"Montgomery, what can I do for ya?" the petite blonde asks, looking up from her paperwork.

"I need something from you, something I know you have"

"Okay shoot"

"I, I need…I need"

"Spit it out Addison, what do ya need?"

"I need SJ's death certificate"

"Oh" Charlotte pauses, "Is everything okay?"

"The DA is pressing charges on the man responsible for the accident" Addison tells Charlotte

"Oh. So you need…"

"They want to charge him with vehicular manslaughter and they need the birth certificate and the death certificate in order to prove that he was in fact, alive, since apparently the state California doesn't acknowledge unborn children as being actual people or something like that…whatever. So, I need that death certificate, please"

"Oh. Well, I'll get that right to ya"

"Thanks" Addison says as she turns to leave

"Hey Addison" Charlotte said to the redhead

"Yes?"

"For what it's worth, I hope they convict the son of a bitch and put him underneath the

jail"

"Thank You" Addison smiles

_2 weeks later_

They're having a shouting match in her office and, it's pretty loud.

"I thought they were happy" Cooper says as he stands there watching them

"They were, they have been I mean, he's moved back in with her" Amelia says

"What's going on with those 2?" Naomi asks as the group continues to watch Sam and

Addison argue

"They're probably arguing about the case" Charlotte says absentmindedly

"What case?" Everyone asks turning to look at Charlotte

"Did I just say that out loud?"

"Charlotte King, what do you know?" Naomi asks

"You'll have to ask Addison and Sam" Charlotte replies

Naomi walks in on Addison and Sam's shouting match

"Addison it's what's best!"

"No Sam! I'm not putting her through that! She's 6 years old!"

"You're being stubborn! We can't do it, Sarita said it'd be best if she did!"

"No! Mark will probably say no!"

"Have you even asked him?"

"No"

"You should"

"Ella is _my_ business not yours!"

"And SJ was _my_ son so this makes Ella _my_ business!"

"Ugh! God I hate you right now!"

"Yeah well, I'm not exactly so thrilled with you either!"

"Oh you know what Sam?"

"What?"

"Okay! Hey! Whoa! You two do know that the entire office can hear you, right?" Naomi says, causing both of them to turn and look at her

"It's nothing Naomi" Addison says quickly

"It's _nothing? _The fact that our son could have some justice is _nothing _to you Addison?" Sam shouts

"Sam you know that's not what I mean!"

"Well that's what it sounds like, like you don't care!"

"Oh don't you dare start about not caring Sam Bennett!"

"Alright that is enough! What the hell is going on you two? Charlotte said something about a case"

"Charlotte told you?" Addison asks

"No. she accidentally let it slip now spill. Sam, Addie, what is going on?"

Addison sighs heavily before explaining "I got a call from the district attorney's office 2 weeks ago and they're charging the man who's responsible for the accident. 1 count of DUI, 1 count reckless endangerment, and 1 count of vehicular homicide which could turn into second degree murder; but, the defense is trying to argue that SJ wasn't covered under the law as an actual person because I was pregnant with him and because California laws on unborn children are tricky"

"Oh, Addie" Naomi says sympathetically

"Oh I'm not done yet. The DA wants someone to advocate for SJ, someone from his family who can tell the jury how hard this has been. She said Sam and I couldn't do or shouldn't do it because he was our son and we were too closely involved. She feels that Ella would be the perfect person do it, because she was affected by it to plus, he was her brother blah, blah, blah"

"And _Addison _doesn't think she should do it" Sam says

"She's just a child Sam!"

"She's a child who was also apart of this Addie. Maybe, Sam's right. It'd show a different perspective on how this has affected everyone" Naomi tells her.

"Naomi, you can't be serious"

"It's something to think about"

"Mark wouldn't allow it"

"Have you talked to Mark?"

"No"

"Maybe, maybe you should Addie, talk to Mark, see what he thinks, most importantly talk to Ella, see what she thinks about all of this"

* * *

A few days later, Addison is in Seattle knocking on Mark's door.

"Addison?" Mark's eyes have grown wide at her appearance. He hasn't seen her since SJ's funeral-since they slept together

"Hi" she says softly

"Daddy? Who's at the-Mommy!" and sure enough, Ella is rushing into her mother's arms

"Oh hi sweetie! Oh, I've missed you so much! Look at you! You've gotten so big!" Addison says as Mark, who's completely shocked to see her, steps back to let Addison into the apartment.

"Mark, who was that at the door…oh, hi" Julia says as she walks from the bedroom holding Sofia on her hip

"Hi, I'm Addison Montgomery" Addison says extending a hand for Julia to shake

"Julia Canner" The other red head says

"Mommy, that's Ms. Julia, daddy's new girlfriend" Ella points out to her mother

"Ohhh" Addison says nodding her head slowly

"Uh Yeah, Julia, this is Addison, Ella's mom, Red, this is my girlfriend Julia" Mark manages just as Addison notices Sofia

"Oh my god Mark, she's gotten so big" Addison says of Sofia

"Uh yeah, listen Addie, we were just getting ready to take the girls to the park" Mark tells her

"Oh! Daddy! Can mommy come to the park with us? Please?" Ella asks using a face Mark can't say no to

"Alright, fine, she can come"

"Yay!"

...

Once they get to the park, Julia can obviously tell that Mark wants to talk to Addison alone.

"Come on Ella, why don't we take Sofia on the swings" Julia suggests

"Okay, c'mon Sofi!" Ella says to her baby sister as they leave the two exes to talk.

"What the hell are you doing here Addison?" his tone is harsh, harsher than he intends for it to be.

"I needed to talk to you"

"You came all the way to Seattle to talk to me?"

"Mark, I need to talk to you about Ella" Addison sighs

"Ella?"

"Yes Mark, Ella" the tone of her voice lets him know something's wrong

"Alright Red, what's up" he says as they sit on top of a picnic table

"First, let me just say I'm sorry about…you know, what happened between us that day. I was in a really horrible place and, I needed something to…help me forget about what happened" Addison tells him

"So basically, you used me for sex"

"Yeah. I'm sorry Mark"

"Its fine Red"

"Are you sure? Because I don't wanna be the reason you and Lexie broke up"

"You're not Addison. She didn't want what I wanted"

"What _do_ you want exactly?"

"Marriage, a family"

"And Julia can give that to you?"

"She wants it just like I do, she loves me, she loves my girls, all 3 of them"

"She seems nice. Does Ella like her?"

"Ella's a fan of Lexie's and she's not so subtlety hinted that we should get back together" Mark informs Addison, who simply rolls her eyes

"I know you're not a fan of Lexie's" Mark laughs when he notices Addison's eye roll

"Damn right I'm not"

"She always liked Ella though"

"Ella's crazy about her too, much to my dismay" Addison laughs

"So, what's up with our girl?" Mark asks once they've stopped laughing

"Well, a few weeks ago, I got a call from the District Attorney"

"The DA called you?"

"Yeah. They're gonna press charges on the man responsible for the accident…that killed SJ"

"Seriously? Now? It's been over a year since it happened!"

"I know but, he's spent 6 months recovering from his injuries from the accident and the rest of the time he's been in rehab"

"Rehab?"

"Yeah"

"Like rehab, rehab?"

Addison nods

"Rehab like Amy went to rehab?"

"Yes Mark, rehab"

"Wow. So what are they charging him with?"

"DUI, reckless endangerment, and vehicular manslaughter, but the DA says that they could drop the DUI and reckless endangerment charges and just charge him with 2nd degree murder because he previously had a DWI and reckless endangerment charges"

"Serves the son of a bitch right"

"But, his lawyers are trying to argue that SJ wasn't an actual person"

"What?"

"The laws in California involving unborn children are tricky Mark"

"How are they tricky?"

"Unborn babies aren't fully covered in certain cases"

"So he could possibly walk for killing SJ?"

"Possibly, but the DA has asked for his birth and death certificate and she's subpoenaed Jake, who was my OB at the time to prove that SJ was viable at the time of the accident and that he lived for 10 days outside of the womb and died because of injuries related to the crash. Oh, and she's gonna subpoena Arizona and Alex since they were SJ's doctors at the time"

"Wow. So how's Sam taking all of this?"

"He's…it's hard, makes him think of Maya's accident but, for the most part he's okay"

"…Ella says you two spent the night at Sam's once"

"…We did"

"So, where'd you sleep?" Mark smirks

"That…is none of your business" Addison smiles

"So, did you had sex with him?"

"…Maybe"

"So, you two are back together?"

"…Yes"

"Wow. When'd that happen?"

"Around SJ's birthday"

"Oh?"

"Yeah…he was there, at SJ's grave and…we talked, sorta. More like I went to his office the next day and I yelled at him and…we slept together"

"In his office?"

"Mark!"

"What? I mean, you have to help me understand this Red. I mean, the guy didn't want your son and-"

"No, that's not true Mark. He did want him"

Mark looks at Addison curiously.

"On the night of the accident, he was going to propose"

"Really?"

"Yeah. It all happened so sudden Mark. I mean Maya got pregnant at 16, got married and then almost died in an accident caused by a drunk driver. Then, he and I started dating and then…I got pregnant. It was a lot to deal with plus, he still felt guilty about what happened with Maya"

"But, how? He didn't do anything"

"He felt like he'd failed her as a parent Mark"

"Ohhh"

"Yeah"

"You're sure this is what you want? Being back with Sam"

"I love him"

"…Okay so, that explains you and Sam, but how's Ella involved in all of this?"

"They want someone to advocate, you know, tell how hard this has been on everyone. The DA says Sam and I can't do it because I was injured in the accident and Sam can't do it because he's directly involved. She said Ella would be a good candidate because she was affected indirectly and, she would win sympathy with the jury being she's his sister and all"

"Oh. So, you think she should do it?"

"That's just it: I don't know. She had just turned 5 when it happened and, I don't know exactly what all she knows about the accident"

"Well, maybe we should talk to her, see what she thinks" Mark suggests.

* * *

Soon, Mark and Addison are walking towards, Ella, Julia and Sofia.

"Mama look at me!"

"I see you honey" She says sitting in the swing next to Ella while Mark goes to talk to Julia

"Mama, I miss Sam"

"You do?"

"Uh huh. I miss him. He's fun!"

"Mmhm. He misses you too"

"Can we call him mommy?"

"Sure, why not" She says pulling out her cell phone and dialing Sam's number.

After the third ring, he picks up.

"_Hey" _

"Hey"

"_How's the trip going so far?"_

"Good. I'm at the park"

"_The Park?"_

"Yeah, Mark and his new girlfriend Julia decided to bring Ella and Sophia to the park"

"_Oh. So, you probably haven't had a chance to talk to him about Ella then?"_

"No actually, we did talk about it and, we agreed that we should talk to her and see what she thinks. Speaking of Ella, she's dying to talk to you"

"_Really?"_

"Yeah, says she misses you"

_He chuckles, "I miss her too"_

Addison laughs softly as Ella is tugging at her shirt.

"Hold on, she wants to talk to you" she says giving Ella the phone.

"Hi Sam!"

_Sam laughs softly once he hears the bubbly 6 year olds voice on the phone "Hi Ella"_

"Sam?"

"_Yes baby girl?"_

"I miss you"

"_I miss you too Ella but you'll be back home soon. Then we'll get to see each other on Friday's"_

"No I mean, I _miss_ you, being around all the time. I miss you being with mommy" Ella says softly

_Sam sighs heavily, "I miss being around you all the time too Elle"_

"Sam"

"_Yes"_

"Do you think, you and mommy will ever get back together?"

"_You should ask your mom that Ella, you'd be surprised at what she says"_

"Really?"

"_Mmhm"_

"What would she say?"

"_You'll have to ask her yourself. You might like what she tells you" _

"Mama? Mama!" Ella says pulling Addison away from Mark and Julia's heated argument.

"What is it Ella?"

"Mama, is Sam your boyfriend again?"

"Um, baby hold on a minute okay, I'll be right back. Tell Sam I said thanks for ruining the surprise" She said with a wink

"So, you're back together?" Ella said excitedly

"I'll let Sam tell you the answer. Stay here and talk to Sam, okay?" Addison said getting up from the adjacent swing and heading over to Mark and Julia.

...

Mark could understand Julia being upset at Addison's sudden arrival, but at the same time, he couldn't understand why. Did she feel threatened by Addison? Did she think something was going to happen between them? He was about to respond to Julia's previous question when the other Red head in question walked over towards them.

"Hey Red, everything okay?" Mark asks

"Yeah, Ella's just talking to Sam; everything okay between you two?" Addison asks, eyeing them suspiciously.

"It's fine Addie" Mark says, but judging from the look Julia's giving him, Addison deduces that things aren't fine.

She sighs heavily, "Look Julia, I'm sorry about coming out here so suddenly"

"It's fine" Julia says, her tone is seemingly stiff

"Look, I came here to talk to Mark about some things concerning Ella"

"That you couldn't do over the phone?"

"No. I couldn't do it over the phone. My son…my son passed away a year ago in an accident. I was hit by a drunk driver. The District Attorney's office is pressing charges against the man who caused the accident and, I needed to speak with Mark in person about the case concerning Ella's part in it plus, we both needed to talk to Ella about what's going on"

"Did you sleep with him while you were married to his best friend?" Julia asks suddenly causing Mark and Addison to look at each other.

"Well, did you?"

"Julia I-"

"And didn't you sleep with him when he came to LA? And again after your son died?"

Addison sighs heavily, "Let me guess, you talked to Lexie?"

"Damn right I did"

"Did she also tell you that when I slept with Mark in LA, she had broken up with him or that the same night they broke up she screwed someone else? Look Julia, Mark and I…there's nothing romantic or sexual going on between us. I'm with someone and he's with you. Mark and I, what we did was wrong, me sleeping with him while I was married to his best friend, it was wrong. Mark and I, we were friends first and now, we have a daughter together so, we're always going to be involved in each other's lives and, if you can't get past the fact that we used to sleep together then, I'm sorry" Addison tells her.

Julia sighs heavily. "I'm sorry Addison, I didn't mean to come off so…I'm sorry. It's just, I know Mark's reputation, or, I've heard about it rather and, I've heard about how serious of an item you two were and…there are pictures of you, lots of pictures of you in his apartment with Ella and…I've heard so much about your career and you're so beautiful and everyone here in Seattle knows you and loves you and…I guess I got a little jealous, that's all"

"It's fine Julia"

"No really I'm sorry"

"You seem like a good person and you make Mark happy so, try and keep it that way okay?"

"I will"

...

Just then Ella runs over to them grinning.

"Hey you" Mark says reaching down to pick his middle child up

"Hi" Ella says, a huge grin across her face

"So, what'd Sam tell you?" Addison asks returning her daughter with the same grin

"He said that you and him were a couple" Ella smirks

"Oh, did he?" Addison laughs

"Mmhm!"

"How's that make you feel?" Mark asks

"Good!" Ella replies as her parents both look at each other, silently agreeing that now would be the perfect time to talk to Ella about the case.

"Babe, can you, give us a minute to talk to Ella?" Mark asks.

"Uh huh, sure" Julia says, taking Sofia and walking away.

"So, how about me and mommy push you on the swings huh, what do ya say?" Mark suggests

"Mmmm…yeah! That'd be really fun!"

Mark and Addison spend a little time playing with their daughter. Taking her on the swings and on the slides. It's the first time Ella's been able to spend time with both her parents. She's enjoying it and so are they.

* * *

"Mama, we should move here. I like it, Seattle's fun" Ella giggles as Addison carries her via piggy back ride to a nearby empty table.

"Sorry kid, we live in LA and, we lived here once remember?"

"Noooo. I don't remember"

"Well, we lived here until you were a little bit older than Sofia"

"Oh. Well can we move back here?"

"Ella we live in LA" Addison laughs

"Oh. Well, can I move here, with daddy?"

Addison's slightly shocked by Ella's words

"You wanna move to Seattle and live with your dad?"

"Um, um…never mind" Ella says suddenly jumping out of Addison's lap and walking away towards the jungle gym and climbing on top of it.

"Ella! Ella where are you going?" Addison laughs as she follows her daughter

"Go away mommy!"

"Ella, Ella come down from there and talk to me!"

"No! I don't wanna talk about it!"

"Ella, come down from there and talk to me, you're being silly"

"No!"

"Ella, come down or else you'll get hurt"

"I said No!"

"Ella get down right now"

"NO!"

"Ella!"

"Leave me alone!"

" Ella Montgomery-Sloan come down from there right now!"

"Leave me alone!"

...

Mark, who's been talking to Julia and playing with Sofia, sees what appears to be a commotion

"I'll be right back" he says to Julia before heading towards the jungle gym

"Everything Okay?" He asks Addison

"No! She said she wanted to come and live with you. I tried to ask her about it but, she ran off and now she won't come down. Ella, get down from there this instant!"

"I said no! Leave me ALONE!"

"Ella, come down and talk to your mother" Mark says to his little girl

"No!" Ella replies, making both her parents sigh

"Has she ever mentioned wanting to move to Seattle and live you?" Addison asks Mark

"No. She's never said anything like that to me"

"Ella come down from there right now!"

"I said-whoa!" Ella screams before falling off of the jungle gym and into the dirt, making both her parents rush to her side.

"Oh My God! Ella! Baby, are you okay?"

"It hurts momma it hurts!" the 6 year old wails

"What hurts sweetie?"

"My arm! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!" she cries clutching her right arm

"I'm gonna call an ambulance" Mark says

"No, it'll take to long " Addison replies as she moves out of the way to let Mark examine Ella's arm

"Alright princess, I need you to lie still while I look at your arm" He says

"OW! Stop it daddy, you're hurting me!"

"How bad is it Mark?"

"Could be broken" he murmurs

"We need to get her to the hospital"

* * *

Some 20 minutes later, Mark, Addison, Julia, Ella and Sofia are rushing through the ER doors of Seattle Grace. Ella's in Mark's arms, still crying, well slightly whimpering.

"What the hell happened?" Callie asked immediately looking shocked to see Addison

"She fell off the jungle gym" Mark tells her

"Addie? When'd you get here?"

"A few hours ago" she says softly as Callie, Arizona and Derek start trying to examine Ella.

"What happened to her?" Arizona asks

"She fell of the jungle gym" Mark and Addison reply

"You two should wait out there" Derek says to them

They sit out in the waiting room. Its quiet.

"You think she'll be okay?" Addison asks Mark

"I hope so" he says.

They sit quietly until Arizona walks out to them.

"What happened, is she okay?" Addison asks

"She won't let us touch her, she just keeps saying she wants mommy" Arizona replies

Mark and Addison sigh heavily.

"Go back there, keep me updated" he mutters

"I will" she says walking towards the trauma room where a screaming Ella is giving the doctors hell.

"Ella, you have to let me look at your arm" Callie says gently

"NO! I WANT MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY!" Ella cries

"Hey Ella, look who I found" Arizona says smiling

"Mommy!"

"I'm here, mommy's right here" Addison says, walking into the small exam room, Ella instantly crawling into her lap.

Derek stares in amazement as Ella calms down enough to be examined.

"What?" Addison asks with a laugh as she gently rubs Ella's back

"I never knew how good you were with her" Derek says quietly

"What? Come on Derek!"

"No, I mean that. I never really paid any attention to the bond you two share. She loves Mark, no doubt about that but, with you, she's calm and cooperative. I remember she fell off of her bike once at the park and Mark had to call you to get her to let him put a band aid on her knee" he says laughing

"I remember that" the red head chuckles, looking up at Callie for a moment.

"She gonna be okay?"

"I wanna have her arm X-Rayed, make sure it's not broken. From the looks of it, it's just sprained, possibly out of socket but, only an X-Ray will be able to tell for sure"

"Okay honey, Dr. Torres needs to take you to get your arm X-Rayed" Addison says to Ella.

"Are you coming mommy?" the little girl wants to know

"Of course honey" Addison says

...

Soon, Derek, Mark, Callie, Addison, and Arizona are all waiting while Ella's X-Ray is being done.

"So, I didn't get to ask before but, exactly what are you doing in Seattle Addie?" Callie asks as Mark and Addison sigh

"I came here to talk to Mark. I got a call 2 weeks ago from the district attorney's office. They're charging the man whose responsible for the accident. The DA's office wants to charge him with second degree murder because of the fact that he's been in trouble with the law before about drinking and driving recklessly but, the defense is trying to argue that because the laws involving unborn children in certain cases are tricky, that the DA can't charge him with murder" Addison says

"Wow, okay so, you're here in Seattle talking to Mark because…"

"The DA wants Ella to testify. She thinks it'd be a good idea if she did because they want someone to explain to the jury how hard this has been on everybody and she feels that Ella would win over the jury's sympathy if she gave them a totally innocent perspective" Mark replies as the room grows suddenly quiet before Derek asks,

"Wow. So, how are you and Sam holding up Addie?"

"She and Sam are holding each other up, and I'm not just talking emotionally either" Mark smirks, earning him a smack on the arm from Addison

"So wait, you and Sam are back together?" Arizona asks

"Yes. It turns out, that the night of the accident, Sam had plans to explain why he'd been acting like such an ass. He planned to apologize and, ask me to marry him" Addison explains quickly.

"So, why was he acting like such an asshole?" Callie wants to know

"If your 16 year old kid had gotten pregnant, gotten married and almost gotten herself and her unborn baby killed, you almost lost your job, you fell in love with your ex wife's best friend, would _you_ been keen on having a baby?" Addison asks

"Probably not" Callie replies

"That's how Sam felt"

"So why didn't he just say something?" Derek asks

"He was afraid" Addison replies

"So, you two are good right? He's done being an ass to you? Because I'd hate to have to kill him" Callie says, her voice laced with seriousness

"We're good Cal, no need to kill him" Addison laughs as the X-Ray tech lets them know that the X-Ray's finished.

* * *

"Okay so she's got a minor concussion and, her arm's sprained so, we're gonna keep her overnight just to make sure everything's okay, which it should be but…oh, you two are doctors, you know how these things go" Arizona says to Addison and Mark as they stand outside of Ella's room.

"We do know, thank you Arizona" Addison says before she and Mark walk into Ella's room.

"Hey honey, how are you feeling?" Addison asks softly

"My arm still hurts a little" Ella replies

"You feeling up for some company?" Mark asks, pulling up a seat next to the bed

"Uh huh" Ella Nods, looking Addison in the eyes

"Mommy"

"What is it sweetie?"

"I'm sorry for being mean"

"It's fine honey"

"I don't wanna come to Seattle to live with daddy. I just felt like if, if we moved here then you'd be…"

"I'd be what Ella?"

"…Happy because in LA you're always so…sad. I just want you to be happy again mama" Ella says softly

"I am happy Ella" Addison tells her daughter

"No you're not! You're always so sad about SJ! I hate him! I wish he didn't die so you could be happy!" Ella cries

"You hate SJ?" Addison whispers, hurt evident in her voice

"Yes. He died and now you love him more than me!" Ella replies, her arms folded, a scowl on her face. Addison blinks back tears, Mark looking over at her then back at Ella.

"Elle, that wasn't very nice, you made your mom cry" he says to her, noticing the tears running down Addison's cheeks.

"I'm sorry mommy I didn't mean to-"

"You think, Ella do you think I love SJ more than I love you?" Addison wants to know.

"…no" Ella says softly, her blue-green eyes staring down at the hospital blanket

"It's okay Ella, you can tell me" Addison sniffles

"I…sometimes I feel that way" Ella replies

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry"

"It's okay mama, I understand"

"No Ella. I don't _ever_ want you to feel that way, _ever_. I love you Ella, I love you so much okay? I don't ever want you to forget that, alright?" Addison says as Ella nods in agreement.

"It's not that I love SJ more honey because I love you both just the same, accept with SJ it's a sad kind of love" she explains

"A sad kind of love?" Ella asks

"Yeah. You see, I love you, you're my world Ella. I get to see you and hold you and watch you grow up and tell you how much I love you. But with SJ, I won't ever get to do any of those things and, that makes mommy very sad. But honey I never, ever intended for you to feel that way or hate your brother"

"I don't hate him mama, I just…how come he died?" Ella asks.

Addison can feel a lump rising in her throat just as Mark squeezes her hand in reassurance that Ella needs to know exactly what happened to her little brother. Addison turns to Mark, her eyes blurry with tears.

"I can't" she murmurs

"She needs to know plus, it might help you heal too Red" he says softly.

Addison takes in a deep breath and tries her best to explain to her 6 year old daughter everything that's been going on for the past year.

"Okay honey, do you remember mommy's accident?" she says softly, crawling into bed next to Ella, who immediately snuggles up next to her.

"Uh huh. You got hurt and didn't wake up for a long, long time…I was so scared mommy" Ella whispers.

"Well, SJ got hurt in the accident too, that's how he died"

"Oh but, how'd you get in an accident?" Ella wants to know

"A man…a man was driving really, really fast and ran into the side of Sam's car-the side where I was sitting"

"Oh. So did the man who hit Sam's car get in trouble?" Ella asks.

"No but he's about to" Mark says softly

"He is?"

"Yeah but the thing is Ella…your mom's lawyers want you to do something"

"Me?"

"Yeah, they want you to do something called advocate, can you say that word?"

"Ad-v-cate" Ella says slowly, "What's advocate mean daddy?"

"It's like a helper" Addison replies

"Ohhh. So, your lawyers want me to help?" Ella asks

"Yeah. They want you to talk about everything that's happened and how it's made you feel. Do you want to talk about how the accident's made you feel?" Addison asks her

"…Yeah. I want to. I wanna help put the bad man who hitted Sam's car and hurt you and made SJ die in jail" Ella says.

* * *

_1 month later._

"Dr. Montgomery, can you tell the court what it is you do?" District Attorney Sarita Santos asked Addison.

"I'm a surgeon" Addison replies.

"Can you go into detail of exactly what your job description is and, a little bit about your educational background"

"Well, I'm double board certified. I graduated from Yale University in 3 years. I went to Columbia Medical School. I did my surgical residency at Mt. Sinai Hospital in Manhattan where I did rotations in Obstetrics and Gynecology as well as Neonatal Surgery. I also specialize in genetics, maternal-fetal medicine, and I did a 2 year study in cystic fibrosis"

"Wow, that's a lot of accomplishments"

"It is"

"So you're a world class Neonatal Surgeon is that correct?"

"Yes"

"Wow, so saving babies is apart of your regular routine then huh?"

"It is"

"Do you have any children Dr. Montgomery?"

"…yes. I have a daughter, Ella, who's 6" Addison says waving to Ella with a small smile.

"You had a son as well also correct?"

Addison takes in a deep breath and replies "I did. He would've been nearly 2 years old"

"Can you tell the court exactly what happened to him"

"…He died, when I was 7 months pregnant with him" Addison says

"No further questions your honor" Sarita Santos says before taking her seat as Daniel Mitchell, Stephen Portman's lawyer began to cross examine her.

"You said your son passed away when you were 7 months pregnant with him is that correct?" Daniel asks Addison

"Yes"

"Can you tell the jury exactly how your son died?"

"…I was in a car accident"

"An accident?"

"Yes"

"Dr. Montgomery can you tell me exactly what classifies a fetus as being viable?"

"There's no way to actually determine just what classifies a fetus as being viable but, most would suggest that when the baby reaches 24 weeks old that it could possibly survive outside the mother's womb"

"So at about 24 weeks you'd say that a baby is considered viable?"

"Yes but, I have worked on cases where there have been babies born earlier than that. The youngest baby I delivered was 23 weeks and she survived"

"Dr. Montgomery, can you tell the court exactly, how far along you were in your pregnancy at the time of your accident?"

"I was 7 months"

"Which is about, 28 weeks right?"

"Yes, 28 weeks"

"How did your son die Dr. Montgomery?"

She's silent at this question.

"Dr. Montgomery, please answer the question" the judge tells her

"He was involved in the accident"

"But how was he involved in the accident? You just said you were pregnant with him"

"I was"

"So exactly, what caused his death?"

She's silent again.

"Who told you that your son had died?"

"I was there"

"You were there?"

"Yes."

"How were you there when it states here that you were in a coma for 10 days?"

Addison is silent again.

"No further questions your honor"

...

"Dr. Bennett, can you tell us about your relationship with Dr. Montgomery?" Sarita asks Sam who simply smiles at Addison.

"I've known Addison for over 20 years"

"20 years, that's a long time to know someone!"

"Yeah, it is"

"What's your relationship status now?"

"Now, we're together and we're happy"

"You're happy?"

"Yes. We're happy"

"Do you love her?"

"I do"

"You two plan on getting married?"

"The topic's come up a few times but, we've decided that whatever happens, happens as long as we're together then, we're okay with that"

"How were things between you two before the accident?"

Sam sighs heavily before replying, "Not good. I was a jerk while she was pregnant"

"What about now?"

"They're…we're good now"

"No further questions your honor" Sarita says as Daniel begins to cross examine Sam.

"You said you were a jerk before the accident is that correct?"

"Yes, I was a major jerk"

"How were you a jerk exactly?"

Sam sighs heavily, looking directly at Addison, "I let her believe that I didn't want our son"

"How's that?"

"I wasn't involved in the pregnancy, I…I didn't really care"

"Dr. Bennett, can you tell us about the night of the accident?"

"It was raining. I asked Addison to come to dinner with me because I had plans to apologize for my behavior and, I was going to ask her to marry me"

"Did you get a chance to do that?"

"No"

"What happened?"

"We were hit by a drunk driver"

"How do you know that you were hit by a drunk driver Dr. Bennett?"

Sam is quiet.

"Do you have proof that my client was drunk?"

"Objection your honor!"

"Overruled, Dr. Bennett, please answer the question"

"Dr. Bennett, how do you know that you were hit by a drunk driver? Were you in the car with him? Did you see him at any point drinking?

"No" Sam replies bitterly

"No further questions your honor"

...

The case continues on, this time the defense calling Jack, Arizona, and Alex Karev, who as well as Charlotte who testify in SJ's behalf, medically speaking, which rips the defense's theory about SJ's viability to shreds. It's Sam and Addison's testimonies about the crash and what happened after, as well as Ella's testimony that win the jury over.

"Dr. Montgomery, what happened when you woke up?"

"I was in the hospital"

"Did you know why you were in the hospital?"

"No"

"What's the last thing you remember before waking up in the hospital?"

"Being in the car with Sam. It was raining and, we were arguing" she says, a rush of feelings coming over her

"What were you arguing about?" Sarita asks as Addison closes her eyes and starts reliving the accident.

"We were arguing about the baby. Sam wanted to go to dinner and I didn't. We were arguing because I felt like Sam…like he didn't want the baby" she says softly

"Then what happens?"

"We kept yelling or, I kept yelling at him, about how much…how I felt stupid for loving him. We stopped at a red light and Sam yelled at me, then the light changed and, that's the last thing I remember"

...

"Dr. Bennett, exactly what happened that night?"

"Well, it was raining. I asked Addison to go out to dinner with me because, I wanted to apologize for how I had been acting lately"

"How'd that turn out for you?"

"Not good. Addison was…she was upset with me and, she had every right to be for the way I'd been treating her for most of the pregnancy"

"What happened during the car ride?"

"It was quiet, very quiet. She was texting and, she wouldn't talk to me and when she did…well, we ended up arguing"

"Then what happened?"

"We stopped at a red light and, I yelled at her"

"And then?"

"The light turned green and I went through it and, we were hit. The car started spinning. I tried to hit the breaks but, we started hydroplaning and, we hit an embankment and went up into the air and we flipped a few times. The last thing I remember is her screaming…when I came to, the car was on its side. I looked over next to me and, Addison wasn't there and, I panicked. Somehow I got out and…she had been thrown from the car. I ran over to where she was and, she was just, lying there, still, barely breathing. Her head…she was bleeding, from her head and…there was blood, running down her legs and I knew right then that something…my son was in trouble"

...

"Dr. Montgomery, what happened when you woke up?"

"I had a headache. I tried to sit up and…"

"What happened when you sat up?"

"My stomach was…flat and, I panicked. I kept asking where was SJ and, no one wanted to tell me anything" Addison whispers

"Did someone eventually tell you what happened?"

"Dr. Robbins. She told me about the accident"

"What did she tell you about SJ?"

"That, they delivered him that night but…his prognosis wasn't good, "

"Can you tell us exactly what was wrong with your son Dr. Montgomery?"

Addison takes in a deep breath and begins to explain in medical terms all of the things that were wrong with SJ, "Well, he was born at 28 weeks, which is 12 weeks too soon.

A full term pregnancy is 40 weeks so, he came early, very early. He was…he only weighed 1 pound, 8 ounces, which is very small. Most babies born at 28 weeks do survive but because I was…thrown from the car, he also had severe blunt force trauma to his head and abdomen"

"Were there any other complications?"

"Yes. His lungs were very underdeveloped along with other complications premature babies face"

"Can you explain?"

"He developed RSD and was put on a ventilator. He had a severe intraventricular hemorrhage because of his head injury and he also developed Necrotizing Enterocolitis"

"So those injuries from the crash, along with the other premature complications caused him to be placed on life support is that correct?"

"Yes"

"Can you tell us exactly what caused your son's death?"

"The injuries from the accident along with the other neonatal complications were just…too much for his body to handle. He went into cardiac arrest and died"

"Did you get to see him before he died?"

Addison inhales a sharp breath and blinks back tears before responding, "Yes. I was allowed to hold him"

"How long did you hold him?"

"Until he died"

"How long did that take?"

"A little over an hour. He, he breathed, barely, on his own for over an hour before he… died"

* * *

On the last day of court, it's Ella's turn to testify. The six year old shyly makes her way to the stand where a book has been placed on the seat so that she can be seen. Her legs kick back and forth as she looks around the room at her parents and Sam, and everyone from the practice as well as her family from Seattle. She neatly folds her hands in her lap as she waits for Sarita to begin asking her questions.

"Hi Ella"

"Hi" she says softly

"Do you know why you're here today?"

"Uh huh"

"Ella, can you tell me how old you are?"

"6"

"Wow! You're a big girl! Can you tell me your birthday?"

"March 8"

"Wow! what grade you're in?"

"I'm going to first grade this year"

"First Grade?"

"Uh huh" Ella says nodding her head emphatically

"Ella, can you tell me about your family?"

"Well, I have a mommy and a daddy and Sam and I have 2 sisters, my big sister Sloane and my baby sister Sofia"

"Do you have any other brothers or sisters?"

Ella shakes her head before adding " But I had a baby brother"

"You did?"

"Uh huh"

"Can you tell me about him?"

"His name was SJ. His real name was Sam, like his daddy, but mommy calleded him SJ"

"Can you tell me what happened to SJ?"

"Mommy and Sam got into a really bad accident. That man over there" she said pointing to Stephen Portman, "was driving really, really fast; my daddy said he was drunk, and he rammed his car into Sam's car on mommy's side"

"Do you remember your mom's accident?"

Ella nods her head.

"What do you remember about it?"

Ella closes her eyes for a moment and rocks back and forth before opening her eyes and responding very quietly. "I remember being scared. I had to stay with Aunty Amelia because mommy and Sam went to dinner that night. Aunty Amelia woke me up and said that we had to go to the hospital because mommy was in an accident"

"How old were you when your mom had her accident Ella?"

"5"

"Can you tell me what happened after you got to the hospital?"

"Sam told me that mommy was in a real bad accident and that my brother had been born but, he was really, really sick…then he said mommy was hurt real, real bad and was gonna be asleep for a while"

"How long was your mom asleep?"

"A really long time" Ella whispers

"Did you get to see your brother?"

"One time. I asked Sam could I see him and, he took me to the floor where mommy works and I lookeded at SJ through a window"

"Do you remember what he looked like?"

"He was really, really tiny, like my little sister Sofia was. He was hooked up to lots and lots of machines too"

"How did you feel while your mom was asleep?"

Ella looks at her mother and blinks back a few tears.

"I was really, really scared that she wasn't gonna wake up" she says softly

"Did your mom wake up?"

"Uh huh"

"What happened when she woke up?"

Ella sighs heavily, "She kept asking where was SJ"

"And then what happened?"

"Dr. 'Zona told mommy that SJ was really, really sick and then mommy said she didn't want him to suffer no more"

"Did SJ die?"

Ella nodded her head.

"What was that like?"

"Mommy screamed and cried and…she was really, really sad"

"How long was she sad?"

"Sometimes, she's still sad"

"Was Sam sad?"

"Mmhm. He cried"

"He did?"

"Mmhm"

"Did you cry?"

Ella nods her head.

"What else did you do?"

"I pray"

"You pray"

"Uh huh"

"What do you pray about?"

"I ask God to protect SJ in heaven and to make mommy and Sam and everyone happy again"

"So nobody's been happy since SJ died?"

"No"

"They've all been sad?"

"Yes"

"Do you miss your brother?"

"Uh huh. I miss him because since he died, mommy's been so, so, sad. Sometimes, at night, I can hear her crying because she misses him. Sometimes, I pray and ask God to bring him back so that mommy will be happy again. But then I remember that he was so little and that mommy said he was suffering so, I tell God to keep him in heaven so he won't have to suffer"

After Ella's testimony, the jury comes back with a verdict in less than 2 hours: Stephen Portman is charged with 1 count of Driving Under the Influence, 1 count of Reckless engenderment and 1 count of 2nd Degree Murder in the death of Samuel Montgomery-Bennett; he is sentenced to 15 years in prison.


	13. 12 And It All Comes Full Circle

**Chapter 12: And It All Comes Full Circle**

**a/n: One chapter left after this! I must thank my musical inspiration for writing this chapter: the late great Aaliyah-I listened for her music for hours while writing this chapter…I think it was her soothing voice that made everything flow so smoothly! Any who, please enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

_[Addison]: "I'm a worrier. I know you know that about me but most people don't. Professionally I'm very confident; but personally, I spend a lot of time worrying about what's happening in my life and what isn't; about what could've happened but didn't"_

_[Addison's Therapist]: "Does it help?"_

_[Addison]: "I like to think it makes me more prepared; I don't ever want to be, blindsided and if I'm ready…well, its good to be prepared and I am very prepared"-Private Practice, 5x18_

_..._

Several weeks have passed since the trial and, things are slowly going back to normal. Addison's sold her new house and moved back into her old house with Sam while Amelia moving back into Sam's old house. The practice is doing considerably well. She and Sam and Ella are starting to feel like a little family again. Adoption agencies are starting to pay more attention to them, but not enough to give them a baby. There have been some hard some moments(like during Stephen Portman's sentencing, which was very emotional for them)There was also a pregnancy scare, which gave them a glimmer of hope that Addison could be pregnant. Unfortunately for them, it turned out to be just the flu. All of these things, they've made it through, together. She's been pretty content lately, taking the minor set backs in stride, but one day Addison decides that simply playing happy families with Sam and Ella isn't enough. She wants more. Which makes her randomly tell Sam one night,

"We should get married" causing him to roll over and look at her strangely.

"Addison, it's 3:00 in the morning" he says, voice full of sleep.

"I _obviously_ don't mean right now at 3 am Sam, I mean, we should get married, tomorrow, well today I mean" she says making him sit up and look at her

"Addie, are you serious? You wanna get married, today?" he says rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Yeah, I just…it feels right Sam, now feels…right. I mean, we're already like a little family, you, me, Ella and-" He shushes her by placing a finger to her lips and pulls her closer to him

"Okay baby we'll get married today but right now, let's get some sleep " he says yawning

"Wait, we just got engaged and you wanna_ sleep_?" she says raising an eyebrow at him

"What else would I wanna do at 3:00 in the morning?" he questions

"Oh I don't know, have sex with your soon to be wife maybe" she says grinning at him. This seems to fully grab his attention as they engage in a few rounds of sex.

* * *

They wake up again a few hours later when Ella is gently tugging at Addison's arm whispering

"Mommy, Mommy, wake up"

Addison groans, her eyelids slowly fluttering open when the 6 year old comes into view

"Mmmm, what is it baby?"

"I'm late for school" she whispers, peeping over at the shirtless Sam, sleeping peacefully next to her mother.

" You're not going to school today Ella" she says almost sitting up but then remembering she's naked underneath the covers.

"I'm not?"

"No"

"But, why? You hardly ever let me miss a day outta school" Ella wants to know

"Because, Sam and I are getting married today" Addison tells Ella whose eyes instantly light up

"You are?" the little girl's voice is full of wonder and excitement

"Mmhm. Now, why don't you let Sam and I wake up and get dressed, okay?"

"'Kay, Yay!" Ella says happily skipping from the room. Once Addison's sure Ella's gone back in her own bedroom, she leans over and peeks at Sam and smiles. She carefully pulls the covers back and gently rolls him onto his back before moving to straddle him, placing a kiss on his lips which instantly makes him wake up.

"Mmmm, this is a nice way to start your morning off" he mutters against her lips.

"Mmmm, hi there Mr. Bennett" she grins, taking his hands in hers and pinning them over his head.

"Hi there _Dr. Montgomery-Bennett_" he says smirking up at her once she pins his hands above his head.

"Mmmm, I like that; _Dr. Montgomery-Bennett_, it kinda turns me on, makes me think of all sorts of _crazy_ things I could do to you right about now" she whispers in his ear before kissing at his neck, making him moan a little.

"Mmmm, like what, _Dr. Montgomery-Bennett_" Sam says, making sure to put emphasis on her soon to be hyphenated name just because she said it turns her on.

"Mmmm, like I could lie here and make love to you, .long." she mutters, slowly grinding her hips against his, her hot center brushing against his length, causing her to close her eyes and softly moan.

"Oh, could you now?" Sam asks grinning

"Uh huh" she whimpers, grinding herself against him harder, turning herself on even more.

"Well then, be my guest" Sam says completely transfixed as she grinds against him harder, faster, a few moans spilling out before she takes one hand and guides it between them, stroking him to hardness while using the other hand to keep his hands pinned above his head as she slowly slides down onto him, keeping her movements slow and steady. Soon he begins to move his hips slightly faster than hers, making her match his pace. Soon, she's so caught up in the moment that she lets go of his hands and settles her own for resting on his chest as his hands move to hold her hips in place as he thrusts upward into her, making her head fall back and her moans to become slightly louder, but not loud enough as to get Ella's curiosity up. He keeps this quick, steady pace going for a while, intently watching her face contort in pleasure from the feeling he's giving her. He's making her feel so damn good right now and she doesn't want him to stop, which is exactly what she tells him.

"Oh God don't stop, don't ever stop"

She tries to move her hips to match his movements, in order to derive more pleasure for herself, but his hands are firm, hard as they hold her hips down in place. Soon, his grip loosens on her hips and she's free to make her hips match his pace. His hands are still on her hips, slamming her hips back into his, which he knows she loves. Her head falls back, her shoulders relax, she leans back, her hands resting on either side of the bed as she begins to take control of the pace, making him groan her name. She smiles at him, loving that she's in control again. She moves quicker and quicker as he moans her name over and over.

"Addison, Addison, Oh God Addie"

His eyes close and he hisses, she feels him getting closer, she likes that. She moves faster and faster, his breathing getting heavier and heavier. Suddenly, she sits straight up, her hands once again resting on his chest as his hands move to her hips again. She keeps one of his hands on her hips, guides the other hand to gently rub circles at her clit, which makes her lose it, and she cums with a scream of his name, her hips bucking against his almost violently as she whimpers and swears and tells him how much she loves him, followed by lots of

"Oh fuck, Oh God, oh fuck, Sam!"

She rests her head against his chest once her body's come down from its luxurious high. Sam revels in her beauty while his hands rub circles against her bare back. He leans down and kisses her forehead before glancing at the clock which reads _9:00_

"We should call the office, let them know we're coming in late" he says with a laugh

"We should probably get up and get ready, since we are getting married after all" she says softly leaning forward to kiss his lips.

He agrees with her and soon enough he's calling the office and letting them know that he and Addison will most definitely be late to work this morning(if they even make it) because they have some…business to take care of.

…..

After showering and helping Ella get dressed, they get into Sam's Mercedes and head downtown. She's nervous, he can tell. She's tapping her foot in that cute nervous way he likes. Ella is sitting on her lap, resting her head against Addison's chest, kicking her small legs back and forth as they wait to be called. Sam gently squeezes her hand, telling her,

"It's gonna be okay babe" just as their names are called.

"Addison Montgomery, Samuel Bennett?"

"That's us" Sam says as they stand, Addison placing Ella on the ground before taking in a deep breath, but yet not moving.

"Addison, we don't have to do this if you're not-"

She silences him with a kiss, nodding her head, telling him

"I'm sure. I wanna do this Sam" just as their names are called again.

* * *

They make it to the practice around 1:00, deciding to stop at the jewelry store to buy Addison a very nice(and very expensive) ring and take Ella out to lunch. Once the elevator doors open to Seaside Health Wellness, Ella skips out happily, Sam and Addison behind her, holding hands. The first person they're greeted by is Naomi.

"Is everything okay you two? We got your message saying that you'd be late to work. It's after one" she says

"Everything's fine Naomi" Addison says, now nervous about how Naomi will react to the news that she and Sam impulsively deciding to get married.

"Are you sure? Because-"

"We got married" Sam says, beating Addison at what was going to be a very long and painful guessing game between she and Naomi

"What?" Naomi says, eyes widening, suddenly shocked.

"We got married, today. That's why we were late" Sam says as Addison turns to stare at him in complete shock.

"You, you skipped out on work to go get married?" Naomi asks, her voice laced with hurt and anger.

Sam is about to respond, but Addison beats him to it, surprising her self and Sam.

"We did, we went out and got married today. Nae, we didn't mean to-"

"Stop! Just, just save it Addison! I was okay with you and Sam having…hell, I wasn't even okay with you having a child with Sam! Did you _think_ I'd be okay with my best friend marrying my ex husband and playing happy families with him and her daughter by her ex husband's best friend?"

"Naomi I-"

"Just stop it Addison! It's always about you isn't it? You can't be satisfied until you've had everyone's man can you?"

"It's not like that Nae"

"Oh it's not? Let's see, first you sleep with your husband's best friend, then there was that intern in Seattle, Alex Karev, then Kevin,who you cheated on with Wyatt Lockhart, then your patient's husband, then MY ex husband who you get pregnant by…I, I can't do this Addison" Naomi says shaking her head, backing away from them slowly as Addison walks forward, trying to talk to her.

"Naomi I-"

"Just stop it Addison!" she says drawing her hand back before slapping Addison across the face, causing the redhead to stumble, holding her cheek, tears evident in her eyes.

"Oh God Addie. I didn't mean to-" Naomi starts as she notices Ella from the corner of her eye, fear evident in the young girl's face as she runs up to her mother crying.

"Mommy! Are you okay?" she says, as Addison picks her up, trying to soothe her.

"Shhh honey, I'm okay, mommy's okay" she says rocking the six year old back and forth.

"But Aunty Nae hit you!" Ella wails

"I'm fine honey" Addison says softly before taking Ella into her office, leaving Sam to deal with Naomi.

"Sam, I didn't mean to-"

"Naomi. I…Nae, you didn't want me back when I wanted to give us another shot! You left me! You slept with Addison's brother and kept the fact that he was working for a practice that was trying to destroy us a secret. You slept with two of my closest friends…dammit Naomi! Why is it that you're allowed to find happiness with anyone you damn well chose, be it your best friend's brother or your ex husband's very close friends, but I can't be happy with a woman who _just so happens _to be your best friend?" He says to her

"Sam…"

"No Naomi. You may not like it, but Addison is my _wife_ and she was, the mother of my son. You will respect that, you don't have to like it but you _will _respect it" he says before going to check on Addison and Ella.

…..

"Addie?" Amelia says sometime later as she walks into her former sister-in-law's office

"Shhh" she says gesturing towards the couch where Ella is asleep in Sam's arms.

"Oh, sorry. You okay?"

"I'm fine, she scared the hell out of Ella and pissed off Sam but, I'm fine"

"Okay first of all, congratulations _Mrs. Montgomery-Bennett_" the brunette says with a smile

"Thank You"

"Second, how's the face?"

"Sore but, I'll be fine" Addison says nonchalantly

"Addie, you aren't going to be fine. Your best friend just slapped the _crap_ out of you" Amelia says pointedly.

"I'm fine Amelia" Addison says as a hint for Amelia to change the subject.

"Fine. Just one more question"

"Okay…"

"Why the hell wasn't I invited to your little shotgun wedding?" Amelia says, making Addison grin

"It was spur of the moment" she says shrugging glancing over at Sam, who's fallen asleep also.

"You really love him huh?" Amelia asks, Addison's eyes still glued on Sam and Ella.

"Yeah I do. I love them both more than anything, they're my world" she replies.

* * *

Several weeks pass and Addison's still not speaking to Naomi. It's not that she's mad-she doesn't have a right to be mad, technically. She's more so hurt by Naomi's actions. Naomi isn't sure of exactly what to say to Addison. She wasn't hurt by she and Sam's getting married, it was the fact that they did it and didn't tell her or, give her some sort of warning, _that's_ what bothered her. But she could tell that they were happy, Sam, Addison and Ella. Each time she saw them they looked, happy, happier than they'd looked in a while, since before SJ's death. Naomi sighed one morning as she sat in the kitchen having a cup of coffee as Addison walked in, stopping in the doorway since the two women had been careful about avoiding each other since the whole slapping incident had happened nearly two months ago.

"You don't have to stand there Addie, I know how much you like your coffee so, I'll go" Naomi says grabbing her patient files from the counter and preparing to leave.

"No, stay" Addison tells her softly as she walks towards the coffee pot.

The silence in the kitchen is too much for Sam to handle when he walks in.

"Ugh, this, this ting between you two has to stop" he tells Addison and Naomi, causing both women to look at him.

"Its obvious that you both miss each other" he says as Addison and Naomi stare at each other.

"Addie, you were just telling me how badly you wanted to talk to Nae last night"

"I do but, I don't know what to say" Addison admits

"Addie, Addison, I am so sorry about how I acted that day. Addie you know I'd never, _ever_ do something like that intentionally. You're my best friend; I guess, I was more hurt that you didn't tell me or, give me some type of warning, that's all"

"Nae, it wasn't like we just…it wasn't planned okay?"

"I'm sorry Addie"

"Me too…I just want my best friend back" Addison says tearfully as Naomi walks over towards her and gives her hands a squeeze, letting the redhead know,

"She's right here. I'm right here"

…

_Two months later_

It's a crazy day today. She got called in to the hospital early that morning and was working on some patient files when Sam walks up to her.

"Hey"

"Hey, you're here early. Where's Ella?" she smiles, wrapping her arms around his neck, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"With Jenna. You weren't there when I woke up" he says, moving his arms to her waist.

"I got called in early; 1 breech, 1 C-section, and 1 precipitous delivery and it's not even 9 am yet, you?"

"I got called in for a patient with arrhythmias but…" he's trails off, letting her know that his patient didn't make it

"Oh, I'm sorry" she says sympathetically

"She had 2 kids, two small kids; one around Ella's age and an 18 month old"

"I don't ever wanna have to think about leaving Ella so suddenly like that. I mean I know between you and Mark and Amelia and my brother that she'd be taken care of but-"

"Wait your brother?" Sam says eyeing her suspiciously

"Yes Sam, my brother" Addison replies adding, "Archer _loves_ Ella"

"So, how you holdin up today?" Sam asks since today is SJ's 2nd birthday.

"I'm fine" she nods

"You sure?"

"I'm gonna go visit his grave a little later, that always seems to help. I'll be fine Sam" she says giving him a peck on the lips before she gets paged to the OR.

"I gotta run, I'll catch up with you later, I love you"

"Love you too Addie" he says as she rushes off to the OR.

* * *

For the most part she's okay, that is until she delivers Judy Richardson's baby.

"Come on Judy, you're almost there" Addison says coaching the young girl

"Hey, you paged?" Amelia says walking into the room

"Yeah, thought you should see this" Addison says to the pregnant, in denial neurosurgeon

"What's happening?" Amelia asks walking closer

"Just your garden variety miracle" Addison says nonchalantly

"It's okay, you can do this…"

"Judy" Addison mouths to Amelia

"I'm just here for moral support" The dark haired neurosurgeon says to the young girl

"I'm having a-oh, a boy" Judy says through a contraction

"He's almost here…push…good! There he is" Addison says once the baby's born. Once she looks down at him, she's almost heart broken. He reminds her of SJ.

"Addie?" Amelia questions softly

"He's, he's beautiful" Addison replies, passing off the baby to be cleaned and weighed, finishing up and quickly leaving the room.

…

She feels like she can't breathe as she walks through the halls of St. Ambrose. Everything and everyone seems to be moving at rapid speed around her.

"Addison, I need you to do an emergency C….Addison? Montgomery, you okay?" Charlotte's voice rips through the fog she's in.

She looks at Charlotte, shaking her head

"No, I can't do it"

"Do what?"

"I can't…I'm not delivering any more babies today" she says trying to get away from there as quickly as possible, but it seems as if everyone needs her for something baby related. Naomi's got a fertility patient who's gone into pre term labor, Jake's got a patient in the ER who might have something wrong with her baby, Pete needs her for a consult. She's starting to feel like she's losing her mind.

"I said NO! I can't…I'm not delivering _any_ more babies today!" she shouts at all of her colleagues before brushing past them, leaving them all completely stunned.

"She okay?" Charlotte asks

"She seemed fine when I saw her earlier " Jake says

"She was fine until she delivered that last woman's baby" Amelia says walking to the group

"What did the woman have?" Naomi asks

"A boy" Amelia replies as today's date suddenly hits them all.

"It's his birthday" Charlotte says softly

"He'd be two years old" Jake adds

"Someone page Sam" Naomi orders

"No need to page me, I'm right here" Sam says smiling, his smile fading when he notices the sad looks on his colleagues' faces

"What's wrong?" he asks

"It's Addison" Naomi tells him

"What's wrong? Addie was just fine when I saw her a little while ago" he says, growing concerned

"She just delivered another baby, a boy and, it got to her" Amelia says gently

"Where'd she go?"

"She said she needed to get away for a while" Charlotte tells him.

…..

It doesn't take long for him to find her in an on call room, pacing back and forth, fanning herself, breathing deeply.

"Addison?" he says softly, closing the door behind him as he enters the room

"Go away Sam, I'm fine" she sniffles

"Addie"

"I'm fine Sam, really"

"Baby…what happened? Are you okay?"

"No! I'm not okay, Sam! I don't think I'll _ever_ be okay. To sit there and deliver babies day after day and see those mothers so full of love and happiness…it _kills_ me, Sam! It _hurts_! I just…I don't understand! Baby, _why'd_ this happen to us?" she cries as Sam holds her close

"Shhh, baby I know, I know. Listen, how about we get out of here, go home, spend the day with Ella, maybe take her to visit SJ?" he suggests, rubbing small circles along her back.

"Okay, I'd like that" she says sniffling, before cupping his face in her hands and kissing him passionately, deepening the kiss until Sam pulls back.

"Addie?"

"Please Sam"

"Addison…"

"I don't wanna think about any of this, help me forget, please Sam?" she nearly begs. He can see how painful this is for her, so he makes love to his wife, slowly, tenderly, in order to help ease her pain, somehow.

* * *

When they arrive home, the house is quiet.

"Ella? Jenna? Anyone home?" Addison asks walking further into the house just as a flash of blonde hair jumps into her arms.

"Oh! Hi sweetie!" she says trying to brace herself from the impact of Ella jumping into her arms.

"Hi mommy! Hi Sam!" Ella says leaning in to give Sam a kiss.

"Hi Ella" Sam says with a smile as Jenna comes down the stairs.

"Oh Dr. Bennett, Dr. Montgomery-Bennett, you're home early" she says to them.

"Yeah, we decided to take the day off today, spend a little time with Ella" Addison says, shifting Ella on her hip as Sam walks away with Jenna to pay her.

"You left work to come home and play with me?" Ella asks as her mother carries her to the couch.

"Yeah, we came home to hang out with you, and maybe go visit SJ" Addison says to her.

"But mommy, we can't visit SJ, he's in _heaven_" Ella says adding emphasis on heaven.

"I know Ella but, we can go visit his grave"

"Oh. I never been there before" Ella says softly

"I know. I thought we could make it a little family visit" Addison explains as Sam walks over to the couch.

"What's going on?" He asks

"I was just telling Ella about how we were going to visit SJ today"

"Ohhh"

"But mommy, what do we _do_ when we visit SJ?"

"Well, we talk to him, tell him how much we miss him and love him"

"Mmmm, do we bring presents?"

Addison chuckles at her daughter's innocence and kisses her head, replying, "Sometimes we bring presents"

"Maybe you could make him a birthday card" Sam suggests.

"Oh…Well, I'm gonna make SJ birthday card but first, I need a snack please" Ella says turning to Sam who chuckles

"I'm guessing you'd like me to get it for you?"

"Uh huh I want cookies and a juice" Ella tells him, quickly adding "Please" with a huge smile as Sam shakes his head and heads to the kitchen, Ella snuggling up to her mother.

"Mama, how come you never get me snacks like Sam does?"

"Because I'm immune to the faces you make just to get your way" Addison tells her

"Aww dammit!" Ella says, just as Addison gives her a stern look

"Ella, what have I told you about saying words like dammit?" Addison sighs

"Don't" Ella says, knowing her mother isn't happy with her language

"Right, so don't say it again, okay?"

"Okay" Ella sighs as Sam brings her cookies and juice

"Ella, what do you say?" Addison asks

"Thank You Sam" Ella replies softly

"Anytime baby girl" Sam says with a smile

"I'm gonna go upstairs and make SJ's birthday card" Ella announces adding "I'm taking my snack too" before getting up from Addison's lap and heading upstairs as Sam disappears into the kitchen, returning with two glasses of alcohol.

"Alcohol, and it's not even noon yet" Addison chuckles as she accepts the glass from her husband, who sits down beside her

"I figured on a day like today, we'd need alcohol before noon" Sam says as Addison takes a sip as they sit in silence for a while, simply enjoying one another's company for a while.

...

"Ella's been upstairs for a while" Addison says standing and taking their glasses to the kitchen, washing them out and putting them back in the cabinet before heading towards the staircase.

"Ella!" She calls out

"Yes Mommy?"

"Ella what's taking you so long?" Addison wants to know as she heads up the stairs to Ella's room, opening the door.

"Ella, what are you doing?" The redhead asks, observing her daughter at her desk.

"I'm writing SJ a letter" Ella says not looking up again, until she asks,

"Momma, how do you spell Seattle?"

"S-E-A-T-T-L-E" Addison tells her, walking closer to the desk

"Why do you need to know how to spell Seattle?" Addison asks peering over her daughter's shoulder

"Mommy! No peaking! Close your eyes!" Ella tells her

"Ella, this is silly" Addison chuckles, placing her hands over her eyes as Ella puts the finishing touches on the letter.

"Love, Ella. There, done! Okay you can look now"

"Can I?"

"Uh huh, but first you hafta pick me up" Ella says to her mother

"How am I gonna pick you up if I can't see?" Addison laughs

"Take your hands off of your eyes, but keep em closed" Ella commands

"Okay, my hands are down and my eyes are still closed" Addison laughs as she feels Ella's arms near her waist before scooping her up into her arms.

"Okay _now_ can I open my eyes?"

"I want a kiss first" Ella tells her, making Addison shake her head before somehow blindly planting on the girl's cheek

"Okay, _now_ can I open my eyes?"

"Okay _now_ you can open em"

"Finally!" Addison says over exaggerating as they descend down the stairs.

* * *

"Momma, are we there yet?" Ella asks

"We're almost there baby" Addison says as they walk down the rows of graves before finally reaching SJ's. They're all quiet for a moment as they stand there looking at his grave:

"_SJ"_

_Samuel Michael Forbes Montgomery-Bennett_

_May 15,2010- May 25, 2010_

Addison is the first to speak after a while

"Hi baby, happy birthday SJ" she whispers

"Happy Birthday big man" Sam says softly

"Daddy and I came to visit you today and we brought someone very special today, we brought Ella to see you" Addison says softly, looking back at Ella who walks closer to the grave, kneeling down in front of it, gently reaching out and touching it.

"H-Hi SJ. You probably don't remember me but, I usedta talk to you all the time when you were in mommy's tummy. I even gotted to see you one time…" Ella trails off, looking back at Sam and Addison.

"Everything okay Ella?" Sam asks

"I kinda wanna talk to SJ, _alone_" she says quietly.

"Okay, well, we'll be at the car" Addison says as she and Sam turn and walk away hand in hand, leaving Ella alone with her brother.

...

"I wanted to send them away so I could talk to you alone" she says to her baby brother.

"I miss you SJ. So does mommy and Sam but mommy misses you the most. They got married a little while ago. Before that, they hated each other, well mommy hated Sam because she thought he didn't want you. That bad man who hitted Sam's car gotted in trouble. He's gonna be in jail for a long, long, _long_ time. Sometimes I wish you were still here. But mommy says you were suffering…You'd like mommy, you'd love her a lot, like I do. She's a baby doctor, she saves babies ya know, but…she couldn't save you and, I think she's mad cause she couldn't. She's really pretty. She's got long, long red hair and really pretty eyes. Sometimes I wish I had red hair like mommy's but it's blonde like my daddy's. We don't have the same daddy, in case you're wondering. My daddy lives in Seattle with my sister Sofia and my big sister Sloane. You'd like your daddy too, he's really nice. You have another sister name Maya. She's a growed up like my sister Sloane. She's got a baby, a little girl name Olivia she's almost your age, but I think she's older than you. I pray for you, all the time. Mommy doesn't believe in God or Heaven but, that's where I think you are. I wrotted you a letter and made you a birthday card" Ella says pulling the letter and birthday card out of her pocket and gently placing them onto SJ's gave. She stands there a few moments with her hands in her pockets, gently rocking back and forth as she thinks about everything that's happened in the last two years, mostly though, she remembers the accident…

_She had just turned 5 when the accident that killed her baby brother and almost killed her mother happened. She remembers her mother walking into her Aunt Amelia's office, telling her that she and Sam were going out to dinner that night and instructing her to be a good girl, which she always was. Everything went smoothly, that is until Amelia is waking her up out of her sleep._

"_Mmmm, mommy?" Ella asks sitting up and yawning._

"_No, it's Aunty Amelia" Ella blinks, rubbing sleep from her eyes as she notices Amelia's blue ones are full of tears._

"_Aunty Amelia, what's wrong?" the 5 year old asks_

"_Ella, your mom…your mommy was in an accident tonight" Amelia says to her pseudo niece_

"_She was?" The blonde haired blue eyed girl's voice is laced with fear_

"_Yeah. Come on, we have to go to the hospital" Amelia says sniffling, before she picks her up and they head to St. Ambrose, both silent the entire car ride._

_Amelia walks into the hospital, Ella on her hip, very silent and terribly scared as she sees all of her mother's co workers and Sam, who's very bruised and bloodied standing there._

"_Sam! You're hurt!" Ella says, tears beginning to fall from her cheeks. Sam sighs, walking over to Amelia, who doesn't want him to touch the child._

"_Don't touch her! You did this! This is your fault!" Amelia shouts at him._

"_I didn't do this! Some drunk asshole hit my car and now my fiance-"_

"_Fiance? Sam, what are you talking about?" Violet asks_

"_I was going to…I was taking her out to dinner so that we could talk, and so that I could apologize for how I've been acting and, I was going to ask Addison to marry me" he says quietly, just as Naomi and Jake walk into the waiting room, their faces grim. Ella is holding onto Amelia for dear life, completely scared of what's going on. She knows it's something bad when Sam starts to cry and Sam never cries. _

"_Sam?" Ella asks softly, causing all of the adults to turn and look at her._

"_What is it Ella?" he asks walking towards Amelia again; this time she lets him hold Ella, who rests her head against his shoulder._

"_Is, is mommy, did my mommy…did mommy, die?" the small child whispers, her question nearly tearing the adults apart._

"_No" Sam says quietly as he takes a seat in a nearby chair, Ella still in his lap._

"_So, what happened to her?" she wants to know. Sam takes in a deep breath and tries to explain as best he can to his girlfriend's daughter just what's going on with her mother and her new baby brother. She understands some of it, the medical jargon the other adults are throwing around, she doesn't quite get. All she knows is that her mother and baby brother were in a very bad accident, which caused SJ to be born very, very early, her father's best friend Derek has to come and do brain surgery on her mother who isn't waking up and might not ever wake up and her baby brother will eventually die. _

_All of this, scares the 5 year old shitless._

* * *

_The next 10 days are crucial for her. She doesn't speak much, she barely eats. When she sleeps, its in short spurts, which usually involve nightmares and bed wetting. All she wants, all she knows is Addison. She's never really been this long without her mother. After a week of her not speaking, not eating and the occasional bed wetting, Mark is called but, she shuts him out as well. There's only one person she will talk to but she's not awake right now. On the 9__th__ day, Ella is at the hospital with Sam and asks to see her baby brother. It's one of the few things that the child has verbalized in the past several days. Sam leads her up to the NICU floor where she quietly states,_

"_This is where mommy works" a statement to which Sam simply nods his head as they stop in front of a glass window where Sam picks Ella up and softly talks to her._

"_Okay Elle, we can't go in and see SJ. Nobody can"_

"_Why?"_

"_Because they don't want us to infect him with any of our germs but, we can see him from this window" he says pointing to a nurse who's wheeling SJ's incubator towards the window. Ella stare in amazement at the tiny cocoa colored thing that is her brother._

"_He's so tiny. That's how big my baby sister Sofia was" Ella says to no one in particular as she intently watches SJ, who's tiny fist opens and closes and, for the first time since his birth opens his eyes and looks directly at his sister…"_

"You lookeded at me" Ella says softly, tears running down her cheeks as she shoves her hands deeper into the pockets of her jean shorts.

"Your eyes…they lookeded just like me and mommy's but, you had Sam's color, just lighter" she whispers, closing her eyes as she remembers what happened next…

"_Sam, what are all of those tubes for?" Ella asks as Sam begins to explain the tubes that are basically breathing for SJ, keeping track of his heart rate and feeding him. All of this information makes the young girl sad._

"_I want to leave. I don't wanna see him anymore" she says quietly before turning her head away from the window, resting it against Sam's shoulder, crying softly. Sam sighs as he leads her away from the NICU, taking one last look at his son. _

_Ella returns with Sam on the next day, day 10 to visit her mother. She's standing there with all of her other family members when her mother's eyes start to flutter open and the 5 year old thinks it may be the happiest moment ever, that is until her mother sits up and realizes that her stomach is now flat and begins asking where her son is. This, makes Ella turn to her father and gently tug at his shirt._

"_Daddy?" she whispers softly, but loud enough for him to hear_

"_What is it kiddo?"_

"_I want to leave. I don't wanna be here"_

"_You don't wanna see your mom?" he asks, just as Addison tells Arizona to pull the plug_

"_No" Ella says quietly. She was right to leave because just over an hour later, she hears her mother screaming and crying. SJ is dead._

Ella blinks rapidly as she now hears herself sobbing. She shakes her head and turns away from the grave and runs towards Sam and Addison.

"Ella, is everything okay?" Addison asks, kneeling in front of her crying daughter

"I don't wanna be here! I wanna go home!" Ella cries

"Shhh, baby it's okay" Addison say soothingly as she wraps the girl in a warm embrace

"B-being here m-makes me…sad" Ella says through sobs

"I know, I know. It makes me sad sometimes too" Addison tells her as Ella seems to calm down a little as they get into the car and head to some place nice in order to cheer Ella up.

...

"You know, being there today made me think about some things" Addison says absent mindedly while Sam heads towards the pier.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" he asks, reaching over and giving her hand a squeeze

"I think, I think I'm done, being a doctor" Addison says

"Addison?"

"No its just…ever since SJ died, I haven't…I've_ hated_ my job, Sam. It doesn't make me happy, it doesn't fulfill me, it's not what it used to be" Addison says quietly

"Addie, I think you should think-"

"I have Sam. I think, I delivered my last baby today" she tells him

Sam sighs heavily. "Are you sure?"

"We can talk about this later, okay, right now I wanna focus on making what's left of the day, great. Which means taking Ella to the beach, walking on the pier, eating ridiculous food, finding those cute little view finders, going home putting my daughter to bed, having a glass of wine and ending the night by making passionate love to my husband"

And that's exactly what they do.

* * *

They spend several hours at the beach and the pier, where Ella's spirits are very high, seeming to have forgotten about the trip to the cemetery earlier. Sam is carrying her on his shoulder into the house around 10:00 that night after they decided on dinner and a movie.

"So, is a glass of wine out on the deck still an option?" he asks quietly as they walk into the foyer of their house.

"It's still very much an option as well as sex" Addison replies softly, taking Ella from him while he grabs two glasses and a bottle of rosé agreeing to meet Addison on the deck after she settles Ella into bed.

Once she places the now 7 year old into bed, she stirs.

"Hey there princess" Addison says softly smiling at her daughter

"Mmmm, hi. Where are we?" Ella wants to know

"We're at home" Addison chuckles

"Mama?"

"Yes baby?"

"Do you think SJ heard what we said to him?"

The redhead pauses for a moment before replying with a definite "Yes"

"Oh. Do I always have to go to the cemetery if I wanna talk to him?"

"No. SJ will always be with you, in your heart" Addison says to Ella who seems satisfied with that answer.

"Mama?"

"What is it baby?"

"Did you really mean what you said in the car, about not wanting to be a baby doctor anymore?"

"It doesn't make me happy anymore" She says honestly

"Oh well, I hope you change your mind because you're a good doctor" Ella says with a yawn, making her mother smile

"Thank You. Go back to sleep honey, I love you, sweet dreams" She whispers softly, but Ella's already asleep again.

...

Once she gets downstairs, Sam is waiting as promised with two glasses of rosé, which Addison gratefully accepts as she sits down on the lounger with Sam, her back against his chest.

"He'd be two today" Sam says quietly, taking a sip of his wine

"Yup"

"Addie, did you mean-" but she cuts him off with a kiss because she knows what he's about to ask and well, she doesn't want to answer it, today so instead she opts for kissing him. The kiss deepens just as her cell phone rings.

"Mmmm, let the machine pick it up" Sam mutters against her lips, but she's already crawling out of his lap and answering.

"Hello? Excuse me? Yes, Yeah okay, we'll be right there" once she hangs up, Sam's staring at her confused

"I have to…Sam _we _have to get to the hospital" Her eyes are shining, full of hope

"Okay…what's going on?"

"Sam, that was the social worker" Addison says a huge grin on her face

"The social worker?" Sam repeats

"Yeah"

"Okay, Okay…Addison wait! Ella" he says remembering the sleeping 7 year old upstairs

"We'll have to bring her with us" Addison says quickly heading back into the house.

...

20 minutes later, Sam, Addison and a sleeping(and grumpy) Ella are walking through the doors of St. Ambrose where their social worker is standing at the desk, waiting on them.

"Mrs. Clemons, we got here as fast as we could"

"Mmhm, traffic, I know" she says glancing at the sleeping Ella, who's still in pajamas as she continues walking, Sam and Addison quickly walking behind her.

"Well I just, we hadn't heard from you in a while and we just assumed…anyway and uh, to get a call so late-"

"This won't be the last time a baby wakes you up in the middle of the night" Mrs. Clemons says to them, Sam and Addison exchanging looks as the older black woman continues,

"My agency got a call this evening; mother delivered a baby she won't be able to keep, thinks you two are a good fit"

"Wait, she thinks we're a good fit?" Sam asks

"Birth mother went through the book of perspective parents, chose you wants to see you" she says as they come to a stop in front of the door that will change their lives.

Addison and Sam turn and look at each other in complete shock, just as Ella wakes up again.

"Mmmm, what's going on now?" she asks squinting until her eyes get adjusted to the light in the hospital.

"Well, we're about to adopt a baby" Addison says not really believing it herself.

"We are?" Ella asks through a yawn

"Yeah, we are" Sam says smiling at Addison who is nervously trying to fix her hair

"You wanna comb your hair, or do you want a baby?" Mrs. Clemons asks as Addison nervously turns to Sam, who nods

"It's okay go, I've got Ella"

"Okay, Okay, I love you…both of you" she says to them before walking into the room.

* * *

She's utterly and completely surprised when she sees Judy Richardson, the young woman whose baby she delivered just hours earlier.

"Judy?" Addison says in complete disbelief

"I couldn't believe when I saw your picture. I figured it's meant to be right? Do you want to hold him?" Judy asks as Addison slowly walks over to her and takes the sleeping baby from her arms. Its in that moment that everything begins to fall into place.

"His name's Henry" Judy tells her

"Henry, I like that, it's perfect" Addison whispers.

You know they say, the most powerful feeling in the world is a mother holding her child for the very first time, looking into their eyes and instantly bonding with the child. She's felt this before, with Ella, her first born. She would've felt it again with her son, _their _son, SJ, but that opportunity was taken away from them. Now, ironically on what is supposed to be(no what IS) SJ's second birthday(he's just never got to see it), she's holding Henry. Henry Samuel Forbes Montgomery-Bennett. He's her son, _their _son. Even though they did not conceive him biologically, he's still theirs. She smiles at Judy, Henry's birth mom.

"Judy I don't, I don't know how much to thank you, this, this really means a lot to me, to us" she whispers tearfully, only taking her eyes off of the sleeping infant briefly, just enough to look at his mother and give her the most sincere gratitude.

"You don't have to say anything, really" Judy replies

"I don't know how to thank you" she whispers

"Just, you and Dr. Bennett raise a good son" Judy says

"We will, we most definitely will" she says before exiting the room.

Outside her husband, her daughter and her friends stand waiting to see the newest edition to their already insane family.

"This is Henry, and he's my son, son" she says proudly as everyone huddles closer together to see the miracle child who has somehow brought them all closer together, during a time when they were all drifting, ,he has somehow molded them back together. So perfectly intertwined them all back together, each individual in his or her perspective place. But most importantly, he has brought his new parents back together, after two years of drifting apart.


	14. 13 Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**a/n: Here we are guys, the **_**last **_**chapter of this fic. Let me just say, that I had **_**no**_** epilogue planned for this fic. The idea to do an epilogue, but the concept and storyline just sort of hit me-while I was in the bathroom(yes, creative genius can hit you**_**anywhere**_** at **_**anytime**_** LOL). It's a cute little chapter set 6 years into the future. I'm so glad you guys stuck around for this. Thank You for all so much for reading and reviewing! Please note: I intentionally changed the date of SJ's birthday so that it would make sense with how I wanted to end the story. Oh and in this fic, Ryan lives and so does Amelia's baby!**

* * *

_6 Years Later_

They're running late, as usual.

"Ella! Henry! we're gonna be late!" Addison shouts to her two eldest children, Ella, who's now 12 and Henry who's almost 6.

"Henry Forbes Montgomery! Ella Montgomery-Sloan, we are going to be late!" she says walking through the foyer as Sam passes by her with their 15 month old twins Carson and Claire.

"Henry! Henry! Oh God!" She screams, holding a hand to her chest as her 5 year old jumps out an scares her.

"Boo! Gotcha Mama!" He laughs

"Cute" Addison picks him up and starts tickling him.

"Henry, why aren't you dressed?" she asks him after his laughter dies down

"Because, I don't wanna go to school today" he replies

"Honey it's your first day of Kindergarten"

"But I already know all that stuff! Ella taught it to me forever ago! Can't I just stay home with you, daddy and the babies?" Henry whines

"I'm not staying home. I'm going to work"

"Well, can't I just stay home with daddy and the babies?"

"Sorry kid but you have to go"

"But Mama!"

"It's the law Henry"

"Aww Man!"

"I know"

"That sucks" Henry says making Addison laugh

"Will you come with me mama?"

"Henry I'm taking you to school. How else would you get there?" she chuckles

"No I mean, come in with me, walk me to my class?"

"Of course I will baby"

"Will, will you stay with me?"

"I'll stay as long as I can. Now go upstairs and get dressed for school" she says lowering him to the ground before heading upstairs to check on Ella.

...

"Ella! Ella! What is taking you so-" she pauses when she hears crying coming from the bathroom.

"Ella?" she says softly

"Go Away!" Ella cries

"Ella, open the door"

"No!"

"Elle, honey what's wrong?"

After a few moments of silence, Ella opens the door.

"Ella what's…oh sweetie, you got your period" Addison says softly, noticing the spots of blood in her discarded panties

"Mom! What am I supposed to do?"

"Honey, it's perfectly normal. Some girls get their periods earlier than others, some get it later"

"But I don't even have boobs yet!" Ella cries

"Oh honey, you'll get them" Addison says wrapping an arm around Ella

"I know…Oh man! I'm suppose to go to dad's this weekend! He's supposed to take me swimming! What am I gonna do!"

"We'll have to call your father"

"No mom! I don't want him to know!"

"Ella he needs to know"

"No! He already knows about…that stuff! He's married to Julia" Ella says rolling her eyes

"I can guarantee you, your father knows _nothing_ about women and having their periods"

"Do we have to call him?"

"It'd be better if you did, so he'd know what to do if your period came on while you were with him. Can you imagine having to tell your father you need to buy _tampons_?"

Ella thinks about this for a moment, "Alright fine, call him. But can I stay home from school today?"

Addison sighs "No, Henry will want to stay home too and it's his first day of kindergarten"

"But mom! I don't know what to do about, ya know, this stuff!"

"Alright fine, but you have to put on your uniform"

"What?"

"If Henry sees that you're not in your uniform he'll want to stay home and _that_ is _not_ happening"

"Alright"

After calling Mark and letting him know what was what(he of course freaked out) Addison heads downstairs.

* * *

"Need any help?" she asks Sam who's busy juggling the twins

"Ah, yeah, Carson just spit up on me" he says handing the 1 year old off to her

She laughs as he hands her the baby "Oh, did you spit up in daddy's mouth Carson?" she asks her little boy

"It's not funny Addison" Sam says, placing Claire into the playpen

"Good job buddy" Addison coos at the baby

"How about I give you a kiss" Sam says

"Ew, no! You've got spit up in your mouth" she says turning away from him

"Come on Addie, it's just _one_ kiss" he teases

"Sam no!" she giggles as he wraps his arms around her

"It's just a kiss"

"Sam no! that's disgusting! Babe stop!" she laughs as Henry zooms past them pretending to fly.

"Mama, look! I'm a bird!" Henry says flying by, making bird noises

"He is a ball of energy today" Addison says laughing

"He's a ball of energy _everyday_" Sam laughs as their front door opens and Amelia walks in, 5 year old Regan in tow and 2 year old Camden on her hip.

"This place is like a jungle" Amelia laughs

"Its always a jungle" Sam and Addison reply as Regan runs up to Addison

"Hi Aunty Addison!"

"Hi Regan, are you ready for your first day of kindergarten?"

"Uh huh, where's Henry?"

"Here I am!" Henry says hugging Regan

"Hi Henry! Ready for big kid school?"

"Umm…oooh! Mommy?"

"Yes Henry"

"Can I ride to school with Regan?"

"I don't know…"

"Please? We're in the same class and she's my bestest friend, so can I mama can I?"

"I don't know Henry, you'll have to ask Aunty Amelia"

"Aunty Amelia, can I ride to school with Regan?"

"Only if your mom agrees to pick you both up after school because I have a surgery this afternoon"

"I can do that" Addison says smiling

"Then yes Henry, you may ride to school with Regan" Amelia smiles as the two 5 year olds jump up and down

"Okay, wait! I hafta get my backpack!" Henry says running down the hall

"Slow down Henry!" Addison laughs

"That kid is full of energy" Amelia chuckles

"Tell me about it"

Henry soon runs back down the hall, backpack on his back "I got it!" he sings

"Okay you, be a good boy at school today" Addison tells him as he runs into her arms

"Okay, you be a rock star and save somebody's baby today" He replies before giving his mother a kiss and being placed back on the ground

"You gonna give daddy a hug?" Addison asks

"Yup!"

"Okay but don't kiss him. Carson spit up in his mouth"

"Ew, that's gross daddy!" Henry says to his father who rolls his eyes at Addison who's laughing

"That isn't funny Addie" he says "Alright Henry, big hug?"

"Mmmm, how about a fist pound instead cause, you've got spit up on your shirt daddy" Henry says, making Addison laugh even more

"Alright fist pound it is then" Sam chuckles

"Be good Henry!" Addison tells him

"I will mommy! Love you, Love you daddy! Love you Ella!"

"We love you too" Sam and Addison tell him.

* * *

After Henry leaves, Ella comes downstairs looking less than her usual happy self.

"She okay?" Sam asks Addison

"She started her period"

"_Mom_!" Ella exclaims

"Ah, the dreaded period" Sam says

"_Mom! _Did you _have_ to tell Sam?" Ella whines

"Ella, he's been through this with Maya"

"Yeah like a _million years ago_! Besides, Aunty Nae dealt with most of _that stuff_"

"You'd be surprised what I know Ella. I was raised by my mom and she made sure I knew about that kinda stuff" Sam tells her

"She did?"

"Yes so I know a thing or two about girls" he tells her

...

Later on Addison and Ella are in the store trying to find tampons for Ella.

"Mom, people actually use those?" Ella says pointing to some pads

"Yes, people actually use those" Addison chuckles

"But they look like…like diapers almost!" Ella says joining in on her mother's laughter. Once the laughter dies down she asks,

"So, what am I supposed to, do with them?"

"You wear them"

"All the time?" Ella asks, her eyes widening

"No, No, No, only when your period comes on once a month"

"Oh…does this mean I can get pregnant?"

"Yes but you'd have to have sex to get pregnant and if you have sex and get pregnant before you finish with college I will kill you, your father will kill you and so will Sam"

"Sam will kill me because of the Maya thing, right"

"Partially, but he'd also kill you because he considers you as his daughter"

"He does?"

"Ella, Sam loves you"

"I know that mom"

"You're just as much as his daughter as Maya is. You wanna know what he tells people? He says he has 3 beautiful daughters"

"3? You mean I'm one of them?"

"Of course you are"

"That's why I love Sam. He's always been sorta like a dad to me since I was little. He's like…my LA dad. Daddy's my dad-dad. Sam's my LA dad. Yeah, that's what I'll call him" Ella says suddenly holding a hand to her stomach.

"You okay sweetie?"

"Uh yeah, I just got this weird surge of pain in my stomach"

"You're probably cramping, that's all" Addison says noticing the pain in Ella's eyes

"It really hurts mom"

"I know. It's gonna hurt for a while but there's some over the counter medication you can take for your cramping though" Addison tells her as they head to the check out line.

* * *

The rest of the day runs relatively smooth. Addison drops Ella off at home and heads into work for a couple of hours, while Sam, who has the day off, spends the day taking care of Carson and Claire. That evening they all have dinner together and are thoroughly entertained by Henry's story about his first day of kindergarten. That night, Sam and Addison are lying in bed. Addison looks over at the clock and notices that it's midnight.

"Sam, it's midnight" she says softly

"Mmhm"

"Sam, it's his birthday"

"He would be 8 today"

"I know. It's also Henry's birthday"

"I know. Our boy is 6"

"It's funny"

"What's funny?"

"That both SJ and Henry were born on the same day"

"You think it's a coincidence?"

"I don't know. You know, I always thought this day would be hard for me but now"

"Now what?"

"It's a good day for me"

"It is?"

"Yeah because I feel like Henry being born on the same day as SJ as a gift"

"A Gift?"

"Yeah, you don't remember how we used to talk about how we thought SJ would be if he'd lived?"

"Yeah we always said he'd be…"

"A ball of energy. Just like Henry is"

"It is crazy because even though Henry's not ours, he sorta…"

"Looks like SJ?"

"Yeah"

"Maybe our little guy came back to us Sam. I mean it makes sense, it took SJ dying for us to gain Henry"

"And Henry brought us back together"

Addison smiles contently as Sam's arms move around her waist

"Happy Birthday SJ and thank you" she whispers before drifting off to sleep.

_The End_


End file.
